Overwhelming Grief for Bast

[utopia]

@Bast. You didn't make him die.You stopped his pain. I have had to do it with a few of my dogs over the years. It is not an easy thing to do. Nor does it stop the longing for our lost 'babies'. But I don't regret putting them down. It was a loving thing to do for them. <br>One had cancer - it had spread before we knew it existed. Another had such severe fitting over hours, that again, there waa no option but to put him out of his pain. Even the vets with all their drugs, couldn't stop his fitting. To this day, we still don't know what caused it. But I brought him home and buried him in his favorite place to lie in the garden. And my son (very young at this time) painted a rock with his name written on it &amp; we placed it over his site.<br>It has been many years since I lost these 2 beautiful natured dogs. I still miss them. They were family. They were unique. Individual personalities. But as with grief, time passes, and I'm now able to talk about them both. Without pain. Remembering their antics.<br>I hope this will come to you too soon. It just takes time.<br>Yes I get your pain. You loved Bast very much. And it sounds like he loved his human mum too. Remember that.

[Bast]

@utopia

Hi Utopia thank you

Your words have alleviated some of the self blame and guilt. I did not recogise that he had a tumour either. the Vet described it as highly unusual as it had grown rapidly under his tongue. Bast was always a delicate eater, it was like he had to dine with a degree of manners, slowly, mindfully and delicately. He dined seperately at his spot on the kitchen bench. I would stand guard and remove the others post their rapid ingestion as they all seemed to think his dinner was particularly interesting and special. For such a radical cat, his response to the overt take over of his food was unusual - he would simply surrender.

I new he was sick 2 months ago when he exhibited cold symptoms, we added nutritonal and immune system supplements after playing with Dr Vet Google. He kept on eating throughout the 10 days although consistantly spent the time in the bed. I would check on him regularly and gently wiped his nose and his eyes to give him some relief. I trialed sitting with him in the ensuite and creating a steam room athough he was not terribly keen about this and wanted to be back in bed.

From there he seemed to recover, back to being up and around the house and responsive. He started losing weight and lost a great deal of his athleticism and strength, still up for love ins as preferred. He must have known, he became increasingly cuddleable and would be with us as often as he could. I just loved the behavioural change and the additonal time with him.

During his last night he became incontinent of urine, I dried him, changed the bed and took him back to bed again. That night he was not able to be coaxed into having dinner.

On his last day, he turned up and had breakfast, the bed was wet again. 

Somehow understanding occurred, we went for treatment. By then his nose was streaming mucas and he looked so sad and sick.

My doubts are that I should have taken him earlier, although I aware that if I had, we would probably not have been gifted with the two months and the unforgettable love he gave us. 

Today I received a beautiful card from the Vet - I cried that they cared and for his loss.

I have found his best ever toy, a foil christmas decoration. He would throw it up in the air and leap to catch it, total joy in flight.

I have now visited his grave and given him back what he so loved.

I have written this to endeavour to come to terms with the strong sense that I should have done more. I acknowledge that I will never know. 

Lotsa luv to all animal people who care

Bastless

[utopia]

@Bast. Those last two months sound beautiful. More time for hugs.
I have done the same as you with one of my current girls. Cough and music. I upped her vitamin intake by cooking / making her special food with lots of grated vegies. Made sure she got plenty of water and put extra blanket on her bed. She was a bit 'off' for over a week. But slowly got better. She just butted her nose intomy typing here. TThink she needs to go outside.
You did the very best for your Bast. Don't doubt that. There was genuine love on both sides.
And now he has his favorite toy with him. He will be happy.

[Former-Member]

Best,the ginger love of my life I lost years ago died at the vets,he had some kind of ulcer growing on his nose, until the vet put him under anaesthetic,she realised he had the cancer growing in his mouth etc.He was always a sick cat ,prone to grass seeds,and always on antibiotics.I knew when he was sick,always knew when his coat got dull etc.Every animal I feel guilty,two years ago moved and had a dumped cat who only trusted me.She had the coat smoky blue like off the Dine ad,she lived in the paddock at home with me going out to feed her night and morning,my two fingers would beat her up.On moving had to give her to my niece,she took off in town never seen again,I have myself and feel guilty every time I think of her,put a ad on social media, she's micro chipped but wouldve starved to death.Cant tell you how it contributed to my depression.I hate myself for it because she was like me,alone.

[NatalieS]

@Bast, You did everything you could for your beloved Bast. Your posts show what a caring compassionate person you are. There are difficult decisions that we sometimes have to make for our companion animals, and these decisions are made out of pure love, because we don't want them to suffer. These decisions ARE hard to make but I truly believe our precious fur babies, in one way or another, know we love them and wouldn't deliberately hurt them.

RIP Bast.  Bast will always be part of you.

RIP also my 9 yr old  Aussie Terrier rescue dog Skyla, who I only had with me 9 months because she had a brain tumor which was inoperable, and who I held in my arms as she passed at the vets.

RIP also my 15 yr old terrier mix Tweva,also a rescue dog,who lived with me 10 years, but who crossed the rainbow bridge due to age related medical issues, also held in my arms at the vets.

RIP also my 12yr old Border Collie/Kelpie/Rotti rescue dog Suzie Magoo, who lived with me 10 years, and who crossed the rainbow bridge due to age related medical issues, also held in my arms at the vets.

[Bast]

@NatalieS@Former-Member@utopia@TheVorticon@CheerBear@Former-Member@Queenie@MagicAnt@Sans911@NikNik

With so many thoughts to all of you kind loving people. Thank you for sharing your stories, your understanding and support. I hope that all of your beautiful previous and current furrbabies are doing wonderfully - be it at home and snuggled with you or part of you or with the perfectly loving after life.

I would like to let you know how much this matters to me - thank you it is truly beautiful to recieve so much support, empathy and caring.

On Bast

I will always think of him as a rescue as are my others. When we first met he was cowed and defensive when touched. He would bite and scratch and subsequently run and hide. At the time of his arrival I was studying. I would coax, gather him up and proceed to my study. He allowed me to sit him on the desk and commence the you are now safe here ceremony. For trauma gentle is essential. He gradually allowed me to know how he liked to be touched. He liked his head massages, while I reflected his Bast communications back to him, maintaining eye contact. He was unusually receptive to this. We had our love ups for months until he progressed and commenced developing his true personality. A year later he relapsed and I recommenced the ceremony. He was 18 months. Bast responded well and became the cat that he was meant to be. 

From there Bast grew. He would enjoy leaping onto the curtain railings in our previous home and sit there being smug. He started spontaneously leaping onto our chests for pats and cuddles as preferred. He always landed like a feather, I have never experienced anything like it before, the incredible judgement and agility. He would also leap onto my back as a surprise, climb up and become my wrap around collar. The purring at high decibal. I would continue with whatever I was doing he liked the involvement. 

He was a dominant one though. Bast was very big on controlling his mature siblings, a slap to keep them in line from his perspective or an inavasive approach to obtain the preferred warm spot on the day. He would literally climb in and commence the ultimate grooming process until his target would eventually give up and surrender the space to him. I was constantly reassuring my other furrbabies. Eventually though, everyone adapted and took up sharing and snuggling together.

My tears continue. In loving memory.

Bastless

[Former-Member]

Feeling for you @Bastless

[utopia]

What beautiful memories of Bast. I love how he leaped like a wild big cat - yet landed gently. Hiw lucky he was to have found you. Someone willing to take the time for him to be comfortable enough to grow into his true self.
@Bast. ♥♥♥

[Sans911]

@Bast I know your grief is still raw, but I so grateful and appreciative of you sharing stories of your beautiful boy. If you feel able, please keep sharing stories of Bast, as you are a great writer and the warmth and love for your fur baby is obvious in your story. Hugs to you

[Bast]

As always thank you - You are all keeping me going.

I am also appreciative that my words are evocative and resonate to all the furrbaby adorers on the forum.

On Bast

Leadershp and love - When Bast wanted attention the yelling would comence, I have never heard anything like it. He would stand at the top of the stairs and just start. There was never any fathomable trigger just Bast requesting the "look at me" song. I would frequently check in case he was actually being hurt. It was an incredible experience to be concerned that his calling might evoke a neighbour's attention. He would literally yell like a person being hugely damaged, however he would be simply telling us "notice me NOW"". He liked to sit on my old gramaphone upstairs - this was a pat place for Bast. Purr, purr and more purrs from the head and neck rubs he liked. 

Bast has gripped my soul, my heart and my everything. 

Bast was born with a twist in his tail, I loved to consider this as forked. Unfortuantely way too comon in Bengal cats.

Bast seemed to like his life here, cat beds to have and take over as preferred, dynamic leadership of my other rescues as suited him and time for stroking. He loved being stroked and would dance and do the ultimate face butts and kisses in response. When it suited him - respect+++

Bast and his "gang" were consistantly encouraged to dine on "bickies" in the laundry for food preperation and definately human eating. I was always so conscious of the foods cats cannot have. He was so rapid with his paws, human food with nasty things lke onion, chile and garlic in it would be swiped instantaenously. I have so many memories of chasing him arond the house with large pieces of pizza, grabbed in his teeth and trailing down his chest, slowing him down, until I could catch up and grab the unconsciousable food. 

Bast was never pleased.His prize whch was always under pressure, and so not sure what to do with the prize whilst running up and down the house, as a result, taken away. He always looked at me as affronted.

My loss is so hard - my bastie boy

Bastless