Overwhelming Grief for Bast

[Bast]

I am in the midst of  MH episode and have run ourt of ways to keep on going.

I write to all people who care as a way of articulating my greif. Today I had to have my beautiful Bengal and namesake Bast killed. He has been such a big part of my life for 8 years. My husband went to enormous lenghths to arrange him for me, a pedigree cat as I was struggling with the loss of a beautiful rescue whose death was incredibly difficult. I came home to receive an intersting and delightful pedigree kitten. The thoughtfulness, compassion and love in arranging Bast for me will be with me always.

Bast was a full on Bengal - wild and willfull, personality plus. Bast truly behaved as per his lineage; a wild snow leopard cross. Bast was pretty well super cat, athletic and so strong. 
Bast was brilliantly independent, loving as he required and when we moved to a 2 storey home would leap from the top to the bottom floor. Bast would also ensure that his needs were clear, he would literally yell like he was being murdered when attention was sought. 
Bast loved to be warm and I would often come home to find a tunnel in the end of the doona where he had snuggled for the day.He would also climb into bed at night. He was not a cuddle cat as such - all pats were on his own terms, I do so admire this.

For Bast his early months were clearly difficult. He was advertised as family friendly, unfortunately early life experiences with a 2 year old child took a toll. He responded well though, 2 prolonged rounds of massage, soothing and full scale calming love worked. The fear abated and he became responsive.

His loss today is utterly devastating - a diagnosis of a tumour that was untreatable. To have had to allow him to pass is overwhelming for me. I know that I have done what is right today, although I simply cannot reconcile the experience and the guilt and self blame.

I love my Bastie Boy and will somehow contend with his funeral tomorrow. I know that my grief is real and the pain is normal intellectually. 
At the moment though - all I can do is cry, I took a live part of my family to the Vet and brought back a dead child. It is just so hard.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Bast, I'm sorry for your loss and understand your grief. My animals are my life. I have no words that would help right now, I think you need to grieve

[CheerBear]

Oh @Bast 😞 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss today. The pain of losing such a loved pet is very deep. I remember reading of your love of Bast not very long ago and could hear how important he was to you.

Caring about you and thinking of you and your Bast

[Sans911]

@Bast-tears fall so easily at your loss of your child. No one understands that more than true animal lovers, which most of us on the forum are. I have no other words either but to say I'm sorry for your heart ache.

[Bast]

Sans911 carebear niquitta1

With so many thanks for your support and understanding.

Your replies matter so much

Regardless and thank you - Bast

[NatalieS]

@Bast, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your boy.  Please take time to grieve and be kind to yourself. Thinking of you.

[NikNik]

I'm so sorry for your loss @Bast

We are all thinking of you.

[Former-Member]

 Can  fully understand Bast

I have a ginger male and a female who as I have stated many times,the only reason I'm here.Tonight I am severely stressed,had a s*** day which I think I will have to spill my guts on a thread because Im overwhelmed.I get distressed just thinking about the thought of losing my ginger male, he's my baby and they give purpose for waking in the morning.Several years ago I lost a big fluffy ginger and white long haired male cat who used to sleep on my bed with me. Absolutely loved him,he was only 12 when he died.I was devastated,and have never slept with a cat on my bed since.Didnt recognize I had depression and anxiety then,but it was like I lost my husband .Took meds long time to get over it,then one day a young ginger male appeared from nowhere staring at me in the sliding door and I learnt to love again.Now he's getting on I'm fearful I will lose him.I know if anything happened to my cats I would have to replace them with rescue cats.Once I could never stand the thought of replacing them,grieving too much but now I know my survival of depression and anxiety needs that hole filled.Its hard I have had a shit day and the only thing was putting my head down to my male cat who does the lion/lioness forehead thing.Its a comfort.

[Former-Member]

 Can  fully understand Bast

I have a ginger male and a female who as I have stated many times,the only reason I'm here.Tonight I am severely stressed,had a s*** day which I think I will have to spill my guts on a thread because Im overwhelmed.I get distressed just thinking about the thought of losing my ginger male, he's my baby and they give purpose for waking in the morning.Several years ago I lost a big fluffy ginger and white long haired male cat who used to sleep on my bed with me. Absolutely loved him,he was only 12 when he died.I was devastated,and have never slept with a cat on my bed since.Didnt recognize I had depression and anxiety then,but it was like I lost my husband .Took me a long time to get over it,then one day a young ginger male appeared from nowhere staring at me in the sliding door and I learnt to love again.Now he's getting on I'm fearful I will lose him.I know if anything happened to my cats I would have to replace them with rescue cats.Once I could never stand the thought of replacing them,grieving too much but now I know my survival of depression and anxiety needs that hole filled.Its hard I have had a shit day and the only thing was putting my head down to my male cat who does the lion/lioness forehead thing.Its a comfort.

[utopia]

@Bast. I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a real character & a beautiful personality that worked well with you and your family.
Sending hugs. ♥♥