@utopia
Hi Utopia thank you
Your words have alleviated some of the self blame and guilt. I did not recogise that he had a tumour either. the Vet described it as highly unusual as it had grown rapidly under his tongue. Bast was always a delicate eater, it was like he had to dine with a degree of manners, slowly, mindfully and delicately. He dined seperately at his spot on the kitchen bench. I would stand guard and remove the others post their rapid ingestion as they all seemed to think his dinner was particularly interesting and special. For such a radical cat, his response to the overt take over of his food was unusual - he would simply surrender.
I new he was sick 2 months ago when he exhibited cold symptoms, we added nutritonal and immune system supplements after playing with Dr Vet Google. He kept on eating throughout the 10 days although consistantly spent the time in the bed. I would check on him regularly and gently wiped his nose and his eyes to give him some relief. I trialed sitting with him in the ensuite and creating a steam room athough he was not terribly keen about this and wanted to be back in bed.
From there he seemed to recover, back to being up and around the house and responsive. He started losing weight and lost a great deal of his athleticism and strength, still up for love ins as preferred. He must have known, he became increasingly cuddleable and would be with us as often as he could. I just loved the behavioural change and the additonal time with him.
During his last night he became incontinent of urine, I dried him, changed the bed and took him back to bed again. That night he was not able to be coaxed into having dinner.
On his last day, he turned up and had breakfast, the bed was wet again.
Somehow understanding occurred, we went for treatment. By then his nose was streaming mucas and he looked so sad and sick.
My doubts are that I should have taken him earlier, although I aware that if I had, we would probably not have been gifted with the two months and the unforgettable love he gave us.
Today I received a beautiful card from the Vet - I cried that they cared and for his loss.
I have found his best ever toy, a foil christmas decoration. He would throw it up in the air and leap to catch it, total joy in flight.
I have now visited his grave and given him back what he so loved.
I have written this to endeavour to come to terms with the strong sense that I should have done more. I acknowledge that I will never know.
Lotsa luv to all animal people who care
Bastless
