Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shadow]

I have a friend who has made multiple attempts over the last 10 years and the health service now treats her like she is wasting their time . I have taken her to hospital many times and they have let her go, on a few occasions she has gone back the next day after severe od and other times she has just stayed in bed.

[3forme]

Thanks Sarah250. I think that makes it clearer. Its also good to see that we are talking about this. I'm personally feeling uncomfortable having lived through many suicide attempts from my child, who is now doing well and not suicidal anymore. I wish I had had more of this knowledge during those tough times.

[CherryBomb]

Welcome to the conversation @Eagleand @3forme

You both raise some similar points - knowing where to start, and tyring to work it out. @sarah250. Would having conversations with your loved and getting support from services be a place? What are your suggestions about how to start these challenging conversations?

[sarah250]

Hi Eagle thanks for your question. Yes its not always easy to start a conversation about suicide and it can be very daunting! I think it's important to come from a place where you make clear that your primary concern is for their health and safety and that you care for them. Exactly how you ask is going to be different for everyone, but after talking generally about how they are and trying to create a relaxed environment you could ask:

'I've noticed that you look like you haven't been doing so well lately and I'm worried about how you're going. I have to ask because it's been on my mind, have you been thinking about wanting to end your life?'

People often worry about upsetting someone by asking about suicidal thoughts, but if it's better to talk to them and perhaps risk offending them than not ask at all. If you let them know that it's only because you care so much that you're bringing it up, most people with be grateful that you were brave enough to ask.

[Shadow]

what if the plan she has will end her life but she has had this plan for a long time. I can't wait for her to do it but if she has this plan for so long I would think that would be a low risk until she tells me she feels bad enough to do it. I guess her plan might never go away

[CherryBomb]

That's a good point @Shadow - @sarah250 what can we do if someone has been suicidal and has had a plan for quite sometime? I understand that people are at a higher risk of sucide if they have had previous attempts.

What type of things can we do, as carers, to keep our loved one safe??

[3forme]

Thanks Sarah, it can be so hard to ask if someone is feeling suicidal, especially a loved one. In fact it can feel terrifying! There is always the fear that if they say yes, we need to have a plan to follow through to get them the right help.

We speak very openly in our home and family about suicide but it took a lot of effort. I found informing myself, setting up a plan to get help and practicing the words I planned to use helped me to stay calm, which helped my daughter.

[sarah250]

Thanks Shadow for your post. Getting the right care and treatment for someone experiencing suicidal thoughts can be difficult. Unfortunately the health care system does not always support people in the best possible way. Hospitals tend to provide short-term acute care and then send people back into the community to get follow-up from a GP or community mental health team. The reality for many people however is that they may need longer in hospital than they have access to, or after hospital find it difficult to connect to community services which have long waiting lists. I encourage you and your friend not to give up though. A good GP can be a great place to start to get ongoing support and will be able to refer to counseling or other services that she might need. Finding the right professional help can make all the difference.

[Shaz51]

Thank you for your words of ---Encourage your loved one to access support for themselves with your help. If the suicidal thoughts are not severe, you might encourage them to make a doctors appointment and take them to the appointment. -- which we have made a appointment tomorrow and have written down concerns together for tomorrow meeting , hope he gets some answers

[CherryBomb]

@sarah250 are there particular crisis services that people can access?

Hi @Shaz51, glad to hear that you've made some plans for tomorrow. I hope it goes well and your loved gets the support they deserve.