Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

i have had eating issues all my life but they have been getting more intense lately and i am now scared of food like it actually freaks me out and it takes me so so so long to find something to eat if i eat at all and then if i do eat i end up crying because i know it is just going to make me even fatter. and now aswell i think about food constantly and i plan to start exercising too to get rid of the food. i dont feel in control of this either like something has grabbed a hold of me and is dragging me along. but part of me doesnt mind because i know it is right and i need to be thin. is it ok to be scared of food...? what i mean to say is, is it a really bad thing or could it be good in the longrun. 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Eden1919,

I thought I might point out this thread started by @Sarzy, where they talk about issues that have with food. In that thread, there are some strategies about how to cope with issues with eating and food. 

To answer your question, is it ok to be scared of food? I'm not sure if this is yes and no response, but more a matter of looking at what are healthy behaviours around food. Getting daily nutrition is important, and depriving your body of this can lead to poor health.

I wonder if @Sarzy might have something to add. Perhaps @Faith-and-Hope can also comment here. She cares for her partner who has issues with eating. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Eden1919

Can you speak to your doctor about how you are feeling in relation to food ? This is actually more about your body image than anything else ..... and as I discovered, there is more than food and lack of exercise that can make you fat if your body sustwms go out of balance ..... and what you are saying about your relationship with food is exactly the sort of thing that can cause what you are trying to avoid ......

We have food for a couple of reasons ..... one is nutrition, as @CherryBomb said ..... but in a balanced relationship with food, it is also supposed to be enjoyable and comforting .....

To achieve that, you need to make food your friend, and "play nicely" eating foods that make you strong and heathy, and keep your body in nice shape along with it ..... and exercise contributes to a healthy, strong, lovely-shaped body the same sort of way.

If you are eating a small plateful of healthy food several times a day, you will stop thinking about food all the time - that's what happens when you are depriving yourself .... it brings on obsessive thoughts about food.

In the same way, exercising obsessively brings on obsessive thoughts about exercise.

Speak to your doctor and they may send you to someone who can tak this through with you, and get you off this rollercoaster before it becomes the sort of illness we are battling in my husband where it is controlling his life and everybody's around him. What he thinks is making him strong is actually weakening his system.

Take care .... here to listen if you want to chat some more .....

[Eden1919]

i have spoken to my psychologist about it before but not a lot it is just so hard the only thing i want is to be thin and i am not and i cant stand it. it hurts me that i am not thin i feel like i have to do this it is the only way i dont know what to do anymore.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Slim is a healthier word to use than thin @Eden1919 .....  because slim is healthy but thin often isn't ....

Food is what creates a slim, beautiful healthy body @Eden1919 .... your body needs good foid building blocks to achieve it .....

Here is the Meditteranean Food Pyramid .... one of the most ancient dietary systems in the world, and folliwing it produces the sort of physique you are looking for ....

Its not a "diet" .... it's an eating and excercise lifestyle guideline ....

[Eden1919]

if i eat it is healthy foods it is complicated i just feel really stuck. 

[Sarzy]

Hi Eden1919<br><br>So cool that you have reached out on this, really brave and sounds like the eating disorder has its grip on you. I can really relate to the mental obsession about food, I found when I was restricting food all my brain could think about was food and the brain isn't working proparly either without adequate nutrition. The eating disorder has so many rules, can't go out until your this size or weight, can't eat this food group this week!<br>I'd even spend lengthy hours looking at food on my social media pages, only to find myself eating large amounts of the stuff later. <br>It takes my focus away from what was really going on with me and my emotions. The job, the studies, the friendships, the relationships...my life. Truth is no amount of food can 'fill me'. <br><br>My hunger is to live a full and authentic life..I haven't figured out what that looks like yet.<br><br>Do you have hobbies/interests, things that you want to do and see ? Have you had a physical examination lately? I get them done every 6 mths keeps me focused on.<br><br>Deep down, I think there is a reason why you asked the question..we know when something up with us..<br><br>Peace Sarzy

[Faith-and-Hope]

Talking to eating disorder support counsellors, it's clear my hubby's issues are steeped in OCD and a need to experience control over everything ..... this has channeled itself into control over food and his body form ..... which in the manorexia form means a heavy involvement of weight-lifting too and focus on muscle acquisition, although at this stage he can't see that he's getting thinner and thinner along with it, so it looks strange rather than beautiful ....

If you look at the Stages of Change model of dealing with eating disorders, my hubby is still in the Precontemplative denial stage .... the fact that you are reaching out and asking questions, and expressing confusion and frustration about how this is affecting you means that you have stepped into the Contemplation stage ...... actively seeking understanding, guidance and support ....

Woo-hoo ...... ❣. So well done ..... you're on your way to improving this situation for yourself .....

Please speak up to your psych about this and let them in to where they can help you get to where you want to be .... enjoying your life, feeling comfortable in your body, enjoying food for good health and a lovely size, and investing in friendships, family and other interests.

[Eden1919]

i try to do the right thing and eat healthy but if i eat anything at all i just get fatter and i am so scared i will start eating way too much again i cant start that again i cant or i will start throwing up and i cant deal with that either. i want to throw up now because i just ate something but i am fighting the urge i just cant deal with this anymore i cant it makes me want to scream and i cant stop crying but i cant go back to that i cant if that happens no it wont i would rather starve than go back to that. i feel really lost. i just i am really really confused. 

[Sarzy]

I understand.

I know it's hard, have you tried to talk someone.. can you call life line 13 11 14

Hope you get through the night comfortably sweetie💐🌷🌹