ED washing machine hell

[Sarzy]

Hi<br><br>I'm a ED sufferer for almost 10yrs. Had various forms of help over the years can't seem to shake this thing it's taking over my life. I've gained so much weight in the last 6 weeks, I'm too scared to see people anymore because if my pride...the ED unhealthy side has soo many rules..can't go out..if I exercise make it worse..eating too clean not, eating to much to little..everything seems to be a trigger at the moment and maybe I've discovered that if I get well or back to my decent size then I'll have to face the people I've been trying to avoid.. I feel so deeply ashamed and extremely sucidual called life line because I just can't get a brake from the ED cycle and I thought of suicide toonight and it made me feel calmer I knew this wasn't healthy...help

[Appleblossom]

I have that odd sense of calm when thinking suicidal thoughts.  It is just the hope that pain will end. 

It is worth seeing a doctor and telling them so they can arrange longer term support.

The hope aspect and relief from suffering is important and eventually finding ways of dealing with your ED issues may give a you a new lease on life.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Sarzy,

How are you? It seems like things really up and down last week with your ED.

Sometimes life can feel so painful and turbulent that the thought of ending it all brings relief. But the decision to take your life has permenant consequences that will impact on those that you love. 

It's been a few days since your last post. I hope things have settled a bit. 

If you find that things are getting too much, please don't hesitate to contact emergency services:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

If in immediate danger: 000

[Sarzy]

Hi,

Yes it's been a tough week but I've had a new found respect for the ED and working hard at trying anything to get better.. even though I take 10 steps backward some days. I need lots of self care and starting to learn what that means.. yes I know if I took my life that it would have serious consequences to the people around me.

[EDV]

Hi @Sarzy

It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time, but it's fantastic that you've been able to reach out on this forum for support - it isn't always easy to do and you should be really proud of yourself!

Despite the tough week you've been having, it's good to hear that you've started thinking about the importance of self care. A lot of people find it difficult to self care, especially when they are experiencing a mental illness. However, there are a range of very simple things you can do for yourself that can help you relax, even if it is just for a little while. Here are some self care ideas you could try that may help distract you or calm feelings of anxiety:

1. Take a warm bubble bath or a long shower
2. Read a book 
3. Play with a pet
4. Watch funny videos on YouTube
5. Watch a movie you've never seen before and/or a TV show that you love
6. Invest in an adult colouring book (great for mindfulness and relaxation!)

Also, it’s important to remember that many people see multiple practitioners before finding one that is suited to them. It’s completely okay to try out various services before finding one that provides you with the help you need. We might suggest seeking a GP or psychologist who has experience in the field of eating disorders, as they will have an added level or understanding and empathy. If you’re interested, feel free to email us (help@eatingdisorders.org.au) or call us (1300 550 236) to let us know the area in which you live, and we can look up some experienced practitioners who are located as close as possible to you.

We see people recovery after having an ED for years – Recovery is always possible 🙂