TW: it feels like I'm drowning

[hanami]

Hi @creative_writer 

I'm so sorry that you were feeling so down last night and your feelings led you to such a dark place. You mentioned that you reached out to SANE and learned some new tools to cope with the emotional build up. Learning new ways of coping can take some time and there may be some other members who will be able to support you with these new strategies. We recently had a discussion on the forums about alternatives to self-harm; I'm not sure if you saw this so I will share the link so you can read about other people's experiences of going through something similar Self Harm Awareness Month- March 2022 . 

I'm so glad that you reached out here and please know that you are not alone. We are here with you. 

Take care

hanami ❤️💮

[creative_writer]

@hanami thanks. I’ve had a look at it❤️. Currently feeling very exhausted and lightheaded so in bed resting.

[creative_writer]

When I reflect on my life I realise how worthless I feel. I know trauma is something that happens to you, but I still don’t feel whole and worthy. I feel tainted. No matter how hard I try, I seem to end up in this mess.

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @creative_writer, coping with the long term impact of trauma can be really challenging. As you said, it is something that happened to us, and we hear from others here on the forums that a life after trauma can feel similar to how you have described  

I can hear in your posts how much you are trying  Have the feelings of worthlessness something you have been sitting with for a while? When they come up, have you found anything that is helpful for you in managing those feelings?

[creative_writer]

Hi @Daisydreamer I’ve been sitting with feelings of worthiness for a while. I know many of the thoughts that come up aren’t true, you can try reframing it, but it takes a while for you to start believing it. It’s an ongoing battle between the emotional but at times irrational heart and the rational brain.

Yesterday was frustrating. I had a Telehealth appointment with my GP, and he has been so rushed, non-empathetic lately. Won’t listen to me like he used to, and will start talking and by the time he has finished a few mins have gone by, and you know GP appointments are generally very time limited. I was already in a stressed state yesterday, and making a decision to drop to part time for this semester only was a very big decision that I made yesterday.

Take care ❤️❤️

[creative_writer]

I don’t feel as though I matter 😫 and feel as though my existence does not make much of a difference in the lives of others.

[creative_writer]

I didn’t know how I was going to get through today safely, but just did. 

[Former-Member]

Sending you warmth @creative_writer 

You were sitting with so much yesterday, and you somehow got yourself through it safely ❤️ 

I am so glad to be sitting with you today 🌻

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member still riding it out. Did a awesome job of being distracted earlier in the day but the feelings and thoughts hit me eventually. Once it hits, it’s hard to crawl out. It feels very suffocating. Like I’m breathing in water instead of air. But thank you for your warmth, it means a lot ❤️

[creative_writer]

I feel broken 😭