TW: it feels like I'm drowning

[Zoe7]

Really looking forward to the holidays @creative_writer - been a very long and tough term.

Hope you are still doing a little better 💗

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 I hope you find the school break restful, it’s good to have some time off to engage in small self care things 💞💞.

@Zoe7 I’m not well physically yet, but it’s not the worst it’s been. I was doing better emotionally for some time but my heart has started aching. I had to cancel something today just because I’m in the mindset of “I don’t feel safe”, even though I am. I rather be under the covers of my bed. I just don’t want to interact with people I barely know. I also feel so cut off too, I wish somebody could look at me and see how much I am struggling and just hug me.

[Zoe7]

@creative_writer I am hoping to spend some time in the garden but that will of course depend on the weather. I need to concrete in some stakes and cannot do that if it is too wet. I also need to finish painting my bathroom but that should only take a couple of days. 

I hear you about the physical side of things. I need to be careful as to what I am exposed to (which is not easy teaching little kids) but our parents are pretty good at keeping their kids at home if they are unwell. We also send them home at the first sign of illness. We have had so many staff absences this term from illness and that puts extra pressure on everyone - especially when programs or non-contact time have to be postponed. But one more week to go and then a much needed break for everyone.

I understand that need to hide away - have had sooooo many periods like that myself in the past. I think the thing I have learnt is that whilst we may be disappointed to miss out on something we may have been looking forward to - sometimes it is better for us to have that time. I also hide away when I do not feel safe - although those times have diminished a lot. It is hard to explain to those that do not have those fears just how debilitating it is. Sending you a big virtual hug Hon 💕

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 gardening sounds lovely, I sure hope the weather holds up. I can imagine things would be crazy in schools with absences and all. It seems viral infections seem to be going around, it’s not only covid but the flu as well, any viral infection can leave you down for a while. You are almost there, hon 💞💞, I really do hope you do have enjoyable break.

It was a zoom meeting but wasn’t in the mood to go to a group lifeline supervision. I can go next month instead. Today has been crazy, from feeling exhausted, my voice has become heavy again and I’ve started sneezing again too, fluctuating migraine pain around my left eyebrow, intrusive revenge thoughts from all the anger I’ve been feeling today.

[Zoe7]

Those anger feelings can affect us so much physically @creative_writer Time for a lot of self-care Hon 💗

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 that’s true. I think it’s a vicious cycle. Physical illness can cause moodiness and moodiness is linked with increased pain. Self care and resting helps when you are sick ❤️