TW: it feels like I'm drowning

[Zoe7]

@creative_writer 💗

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7thank you for supporting me over the tough days. It makes a difference ❤️

Stuck in a fog today. Really exhausted, maybe it’s because I just submitted assignment yesterday and have had a lot going on. I don’t really have much to say. I don’t even feel alive or connected. Nothing feels real. 

[creative_writer]

Today’s been hard. But I don’t really have anything to say. It’s all trapped inside me. Experiencing depersonalisation and derealisation. Just feel so paralysed and alienated.

[Former-Member]

Hey @creative_writer 

I'm @Former-Member & wanted to let you know I'm around right now & hearing how hard today has been.

When I find it hard to get words out - I will often use art materials to express those things I don’t have words for.

I just wondered if you have tried that for self-expression at all?

Not creating a “work of art” - but more using colours, symbols, lines, collage even - whatever comes up spontaneously to let out what might give voice to what is happening for you.

It’s not a nice feeling what you’ve described as paralysing and alienating - members here on the forums might be able to provide support for you around those experiences as many of us have had those types of feelings.

What do you feel you need or might help you right now with this?

[creative_writer]

Hi @Former-Member. I could try drawing, probably won’t be good at it, but maybe it could help. I honestly don’t know what I need, it’s a strange space to be in. I think I’m beyond exhausted, I have a tute this evening then might call it an early night. I think I’m good as long as I don’t resort to my old unhelpful habits, and I feel very tempted. I need to feel alive.

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @creative_writer I've just popped online and wanted to check in. I think what @Former-Member has suggested is a really good idea. Might be worth a try if you feel you don't know what it is you need. What could you do instead of those old habits? Is there anything you have learned that is helpful as an alternative? Here with you tonight 💝

[creative_writer]

@Paperdaisy I drew random scribbles, the ones you see small kids drawing. Honestly, sort of did things I probably shouldn't have but it doesn't compare to what I was like before. I mean, I have limited things I can use in my room to SH, unless if I sneak something into my room. I would have to go to the kitchen and make sure nobody catches me. But I realise once you start its hard to stop SH and it can progress to something worse. I have dinner and then I have a tute and will try to get an early night. Maybe the urges will go away when I wake up tom.

[Paperdaisy]

@creative_writer An early night is probably a good idea and good to hear you have something as a distraction tonight. I hope you can rest tonight and feel different in the morning 💝 Please take care.

[creative_writer]

@Paperdaisy I started feeling again last night. Right now I’m just feeling very trapped and lost. I feel very worthless. Sometimes I catch myself saying maybe my trauma wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. Maybe I’m just saying that because I don’t want to accept it.

[Former-Member]

Hi there @creative_writer - I’m around the forums this morning.

It’s really great you reached out considering you are starting to feel those emotions again.
I’m just wondering because yesterday, last night & now this morning has been rather similar, whether it would be useful to chat with someone more in depth about this & what is happening for you?

Have you got someone or a preferred helpline or professional you trust that you can reach out to about this?

Did you know we have the SANE Helpcenter available between 10am-10pm?

https://www.sane.org/counselling-support

Or I’m not sure if you’ve heard of or contacted the Blue Knot foundation before?
They have a helpline for people who have experienced complex trauma. This is their website https://blueknot.org.au/

Or you can call them on PH: 1300 657 380

What I know of & have experienced for myself is, trauma is a very complex thing. We have some resources amongst this topic Tuesday event, here if you might find that of benefit  as well - specially around trauma & recovery.
https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/Topic-Tuesday-Trauma-and-Recovery-Blue-Knot-Foundation-Tues...