Sick of fighting the black dog

[Shadow86]

Hi, im new here.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it's been an ongoing struggle to keep myself stable. Recently all my years of hard work in therapy have gone down the drain. 

My relationship with my husband is in ruins... he so sick and tired of me. I feel like he hates me. I'm too hard to deal with and I feel like he's had enough. 

I just want him to love and support me like he used to do but my mental health has taken a toll on my marriage and he can no longer deal with my emotional ups and downs. 

There is so much bitterness and resentment in our marriage and I feel like he's checked put already. We are like room mates just coexisting in our home with our 3 children the youngest who is only 4 years old. 

I cant stand to live like this anymore.. I hate it. I don't know how to fix it. He won't even communicate with me anymore because I just make things too hard. 

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @Shadow86 , I'm really sorry to hear this. 

I'm wondering what supports you have? Family, friends, and also professional support? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[tyme]

Hey @Shadow86 ,

I'm sorry to hear it has come to this point. It sounds so difficult to co-exist under the same roof but barely speak to each other. I'm hearing how much you want to get better, yet it feels like a losing battle.

Have you ever tried speaking to him and asking what he wants out of the marriage? That is, is he satisfied with how things are going right now for him? Sometimes, when being stuck in the thick of things, it is hard to see the forest amongst the trees.

It sounds like a crucial time for the whole family, especially since you have young children involved.

Currently, what supports to you have in place for yourself?

[tyme]

And, I forgot to add, since you have shared about the Black Dog, have you seen this clip? @Shadow86 

https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc?feature=shared

This helped me a lot when I was in a state of dark depression. It gave me hope and a longing for things to get better.