Still broken

[Historylover]

Folks, I'm thoroughly bewildered. I posted a couple of days ago about my suicidality and went on to give a slightly broader description of my ex-psychiatrist and my telepathic connection - and while all of my other posts received support, that one didn't. Does such a concept scare people so that they are afraid to acknowledge or wonder about it, or is it that I described evolution and perhaps others are religious and find the concept of evolution unacceptable. There must be a reason it received no support. I think it may have happened once before with a similar response? I can't remember exactly.

Why?

I am amazed that people are so dismissive or doubtful of telepathy. It happens to everyone in subtle ways which occur without identification as telepathy, but is a simpler form. Most psychiatrists know it is real. They simply choose to gaslight.

I am writing because I don't know what to do. My ex-psychiatrist 'stitched me up' thoroughly while pretending to be my friend. I really can't survive much longer - and he knows it. I am just limping on until I have served his purpose. As previously stated, every time I think of suicide he sends me a 'Don't' message. And so I don't. When I start to feel well again, I begin to hope that something good will turn out, but it won't, and the reality of my situation again overwhelms me. He has methodically sabotaged my entire life while I followed his instructions to the letter. I really can't keep going much longer and that causes me such overwhelming sadness. I had so much living to do and wanted to achieve so much more. I don't know how he could do this to me or to anyone else. Someone said in recent weeks – 'that's what abusers do. They take up where previous abusers left off'. I guess that's why he became a psychiatrist. Not only is the mind his playground where he is able to do things which impress other psychiatrists, he had a whole lot of vulnerable people asking for help and he could play the helper while helping himself. I'm broken and don't know what to do.

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @Historylover 

I am so sorry to hear about this experience, it is never nice to feel undermined and mistreated by those we reach out to for support in some of our most challenging times. 

You are not alone in feeling this, unfortunately, and we are sitting with you today.

Of course, if you feel you might need some extra support to get through today:

• Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
  000
• Lifeline (24 Hrs)
  13 11 14
• Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
  1300 659 467

Take good care of yourself. Again, I am so sorry this has been your experience.

Kind regards

Peregrinefalcon

[Historylover]

Just to clarify @Peregrinefalcon, it's not that my thread was not supported – it was, and I am very grateful for the support I received, and needed; just that one post wasn't – which made me ask that question. I just wondered why no-one supported that particular post. 

There's no need to reply. I just didn't want to seem as if I hadn't been grateful for the support I received. Cheers.

But while I have your ear, @Peregrinefalcon – can calls be traced even if from a silent number?

[Peregrinefalcon]

Ahh yes, I see. Thank you for clarifying 🙂

Regarding silent/private numbers - I am not 100% sure to be perfectly honest.

I believe emergency services have the ability to trace calls as needed for emergencies, but I am certainly no expert!

[greenpea]

@Historylover  Sweetheart once I was asleep and in my dream I called out my eldest son's name I awoke to see him come running down the stairs into my room saying what did I want. I definately did not call his name out loud. I believe you. Love peaxxx

[Historylover]

@greenpea, thank you for your reply. It's so nice to hear from you. @greenpea, I don't know what to do at the moment. I desperately need folks to talk with but don't want to drag others out of good feelings they may have. I am so very confused and so in need of ears who can handle the 'heavy going'. My thread came to a close yesterday and I really needed to talk with everybody further. Love to you too,. 

[greenpea]

@Historylover  You can talk to me about anything. Nothing shocks the pea. I just want to make sure you are alright. xxx

[Historylover]

@greenpea Have you ever been seriously suicidal? I have been for the past two+ years while contending with having all my lifetime's work made meaningless, my family unrestorable, my dreams unreachable, my 'best friend' – a cruel betrayer when he could not have done me more harm. I find myself saying to myself "I don't know what to do", or thinking about suicide yet again. My ex-psychiatrist blocks all negative thoughts. From the beginning he took over all my decisions – by remote – guiding me, so that I always made the best decisions and learnt his better ways of doing things, which were supposed to be building blocks to help me re-build my life and my family's. He is still there even now he has retracted his promise of social connection and I can never be certain if he is trying to harm me or help me re-establish without him. I still can't make sense of him.

Nothing good ever happened to me until I met him and he put my and my family's life back on a correct footing. Before that my family was just at the mercy of the currents and of others, and we had no idea what we were doing. Then, when we were finally getting somewhere and I was doing well under my ex-psychiatrist's care, my husband left us; and then I left them to give my daughters peace. I haven't heard from them since and they blame me for everything. I've always taken 50% of the blame and I'll never take more.

'Pea – my heart is broken and I don't know what to do to fix anything. He is still guiding me and I don't know where he is guiding me to. I trusted him implicitly before and it brought me more pain than I could have imagined when I had expected the greatest joy. Now he's trying to guide me still and it terrifies me to trust him further. I'm so afraid.

The most frightening thing is that I have no-one to talk to about this. I am trying to work my way through the greatest pain and total confusion and I still can't make sense of him. I lost my dearest friend and every dream I ever had with it. I'm just so broken and suicide is not what I want but I can't take much more of this.Thanks for listening. 

[greenpea]

@Historylover  Sweetheart you asked the question have I ever been truely suicidal and the answer is yes and worse. I am extremely concerned about you. Do you have a new psychiatrist that you can talk to about this. Someone you can trust with everything and anything. I no longer want to hurt myself or anybody else due to the help of my psychologist and mental health nurse and medication.

[greenpea]

@Historylover  Hunny I am heading off for a little while. Will be on later. Love you. Take care. peaxxx