Still broken

[Historylover]

Thanks @greenpea. No, I don't have anyone to talk to – only we forumites, and that is better than any other assistance I have had from anyone else these past two or so years. I have made great progress these past two years, grown, and healed a bit only because of these many interactions. 

It's more than a little difficult when I can't talk about these things with others, so I am unable to connect with people in the real world because there is nothing I can say that will not cause them to leave. They, mostly, have not had these painful experiences and I am so sick and tired of the 'stigma' of so-called 'mental illness!'. We need to be able to talk freely! To be understood! For god's sake!! What's wrong with people?? 

My unit is being refurbished again after the long lull of lockdown. I'm looking forward to decorating it. The painting is nearly finished and the carpet goes down on Wednesday. Then it's done. I think the thing which is upsetting me most at the moment is that, too often, the light goes out at the end of my tunnel. I was looking forward to the refurbishment as I wanted to die in something nice so that when my family came to collect my things, they would see that my lifestyle was better than the one they've chosen, and is what I was rightly fighting for. I have been clearing out unwanted things to reduce, reduce, reduce. However there is an overlap which had uneased me. These are things we do before we die and I wasn't sure why I was doing them. Since talking with you, I'm back on track. Thank you 'Pea, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm OK now.  XXX!!!

P.S. I really am back on track – the 'good to be alive track'. XX We just need people who care, don't we? And who understand. XX

[greenpea]

@Historylover  every human being deserves to feel cared for and understood including you. I am happy that I have helped a bit and know that any time you need to talk pea is here. I am always here for you.  I wont judge you. Love always peaxxx

[Historylover]

Love you,'Pea. Thank you so much. I'm alright now. Your support was much needed. Hope your birthday was pleasantly memorable. I wish you many more. Take care.XX

And P.S. If you ever need a shoulder, ditto here. 😊

[Misty5]

Psychiatrists are supposed to be for meritocracy but sadly I think many are in a competition with clients and sabotage them. With regards to telepathy, I have had one who said she is open to the existence of telepathy. Psychologists often deny clairvoyance and clairaudience exist too as they don't want to go against their training. Something is wrong. I wrote a lengthy piece about telepathy which was heavily edited by the moderators.

[Misty5]

Is it the former psychiatrist you describe as your lost dearest friend? I have also been suicidal and the severity varies. I had a psychiatrist tell me repeatedly they would meet me somewhere (telepathically) but never did.