Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[asil]

my 25yr old daughter is in trouble, and i don't know where to turn. she has always been very disorganised and messy, but as an adult it has escalated into so much more. she is unable to hold a job, she has probably 10 in the past 2 yrs. she has been evicted from her flatmates apartment. he called to let me know that he was asking her to leave, but suggested that i come down and see how she has been living. i opened her bedroom door....flies. maggots, bug of all sorts.food containers drink bottles, dirty underwear, not one piece of clothing in the wardrobe, it was all strewn across the floor. no bed linen on her urine and blood stained mattress it was horrifying. she now has said that she wants to cut ties with all family members, as she feels her privacy has been invaded. i have no reason to believe that drugs hae played any part in this. she still has no job, which obviously leads to no money. she has sent me a msg to let me know that she is surrounded by people that love, and will look after her. i have no idea who these people are. my gp tells me that because of her age, there will be very little that i can do unless she consents, i had no idea where to turn, any suggestions would be hugely welcomed

[Desi]

hello,

It's a good idea to have a gp to talk to. In reality the best thing is to take care of yourself. Your daughter sounds determined to be independent and doesnt need your support at this time.

My son would move from one share house to another every 3 months, running from one mess to another. I would get a phone call from the house mates, turn up, clean up, pay up and say sorry. Eventually I realised I couldnt do it anymore.

This went on for 3 or 4 years and he's now nearly 30.I've had counselling myself over the years and have had to balance caring for him and for my own welfare. We eventually had a diagnosis but he was happier to self medicate.

I'm also new to this forum and have found alot of posts from people with similar experiences. There are fact sheets and suggestions for finding support for you. Take care my friend, and good luck.

[Durango]

Hi asil,

I'm glad you have come to the forums for support. It can be very difficult caring for a family member who is not doing well. Has your daughter engaged with any support or services in the past? The most you may be able to do is to encourage her to seek help, maybe passing on contact details for support organisations or seeing a doctor. Continue to look after yourself as best you can and have a look around the forum here for support.

All the best,

Durango.

[Former-Member]

Hello @asil

Reading your post has bought back some very sad memories for me. I cannot help but shed a tear for both of us. I can remember the realisation of my own son's inability to cope when I helped him clean out a rental place after a relationship breakdown. It would have been hard to see how your daughter has been living. You cannot force her to come back home where she has some support however I would say try and be kind and leave the door open for when she is ready.

Carer101.

[asil]

thank you so much

[asil]

thank you for your words....it does give me some comfort...thank you

[Appleblossom]

Dealing with daughter at that level of difficulty is very painful.

Being in a vaccuum with it is dreadful.  

Countercultre environments may seem to give validation to your daughter for a while .. I hope she wakes up to the limits.

I have seen my son struggle which was extremely diifficult.

I can sympathise with losing a daughter though .. mine is too successful to talk to me .. it is still painful for me, though I am proud of her.

Welcome to the forums .. I hope you find it worthwhile.

[NikNik]

Hi @asil

How are things travelling for yourself and your daughter?

Nik