just struggling

[Former-Member]

Things were happening so fast last week, and i was feeling so completely overwhelmed, but now i feel just numb and things have slowed down over the weekend but im struggling to make any decisions. i dont know what to do. support workers keep asking me what I need from them or how do i feel and i have nothing, my brain is not computing. kids are busy and driving me crazy... but they are distracting too i guess. I'm a bit worried about what happens if i start feeling again. 

lj

[Appleblossom]

Sorry to hear that things are that bad @Former-Member

I was like that for a long time .. could barely string 2 words together ... but unfortunately there was nobody asking me what would make things better ... if they are actually doing there job they need to read between the lines too ...

I actually had the front and decided to get help from a family therapy agency and my psychiatrist of the time was little offended ... I had him on a pedestal then ... he thought I was 2 timing him ... go men can be hopeless .. ... it was during the barely able to "string words together time" ... but this shrink had not figured out his own stepfather issues ... hmmmm

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member, I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling overwhelmed.  You're such wonderful support to so many on here.  It sounds like time to be VERY gentle with yourself.  Sometimes fighting the symptoms, rather than simply going with them, can be so draining.  Would it be terrible if you simply accepted that you're running in neutral this week?  Not forwards, not backwards, just doing your best to stay in place?  And that this is ok?  The bare minimum is completely ok at times.  Even as a mum.  Because you know that it won't last.  Things will switch up again at some point.  And your bare minimum is probably pretty great by usual standards. 

Take good care of yourself.  We're thinking of you

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Appleblossom and @Former-Member

Tonight is first night in the refuge. We've been given a unit to stay in for a while, i'm so exhausted, and nothing feels right and everything is really a lot to take on. Im finding it so hard to accept 'help' and support as i've always tried to be so independent that i didnt need anyone until i met my ex husband and then got so badly burned again there... and now another family member has destroyed more of me coming back to make sure their own crap stays buried.. except now i've talked about it and blown the lid off of all of that which is all streaming through my brain constantly but i'm not feeling anything except this feeling of dread that i've just made everything worse... but at the same time when i did finally speak about some of it when i was making the start of the statement (there's so much more to go) and the police officer said that it really was just awful stuff as bad as it can get, i did feel a bit relieved... not sure why. but mostly im just full of dread.

the kids got spoilt today with a back pack full of things for each of them when we got to the unit. they were so excited and it kept them busy today which was good.. my lil guy doesnt handle change well (i think he's just had too much of it in his short life already.. this will be his 7th 'home' and he's 4 😞 ) But i'm hoping they go to sleep quickly tonight! So he is alternating between cranky, hysterical over activeness and i need your 250% attention right now mum attitude! 

Not sure how to get through this stuff, physically i think i'm feeling better bt mentally im just worn out.. will work on that accepting and going with the flow of stuff @Former-Member but its just.... i dont know!!

LJ

[Appleblossom]

Just keep on keeping on going @Former-Member

Feelings are what they are ... do what works for you .. and it might not be obvious straight away.

The "acceptance" word used to drive me nuts ... and simply incense me further .. but if it works for you ... then good ..

Glad kids are doing the kiddie thing ...

Yes the issue of people burying past SHIT ... is tough ... cant advise ... but just send virtual support ...

[Jacques]

OMG @Former-Member, i am so sorry, i thought things where going well for you, the bunny, etc, i had no idea you where out of your place, sorry i must have missed something, it must be so hard moving so many times, try to take tomorrow to not do anything, just take some time for yourself, i am sure the little ones will find something to do in their backpack of goodies.

@Former-Member, please don't feel bad to accept help, i struggle accepting help too, it is tough but i am glad you are getting help to move on.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time, i am sorry i was not able to keep up with developments, i wish you all the best.

Jacques

[Jacques]

oops i forgot, sending you a big virtual hug

[Mazarita]

Hi @Former-Member. Just stopping in again to ask how you are, in case you feel like talking more. Are you still having trouble knowing what help to ask for when support workers ask you about that? Perhaps you could ask them to suggest some options for what help they have to offer so that all the thinking is not down to you at this time. Thinking of you and wishing the best for you and children from day to day.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Mazarita

I'm feeling pretty low, but hanging in there, i'm really just trying to get through the stuff that i have to do. There is just so much on with family court stuff and meetings for that and responses to write to my ex'es application. Then all of this other stuff as well. but it does feel better staying where we are.. its safe and even though its a small unit, it actually feels more manageable i think.. though im not even sure what i think haha! Next i have to decide if we move in here for a longer time and let our house go (its a rental) but then i'd have to find somewhere else to live again... so id ont know. 

the kids have been pretty cranky the last few days.. its been a lot for them to manage as well i think. they're just confused and over excited and a bit overwhelmed too. 

Finding it hard to sleep and eat much, even though i know i need to look after myself.

LJ

[Jacques]

My thoughts are with you @Former-Member, you have a very difficult time at the moment, but you will come through it, just hold on, things will get better.

Take care, be kind to yourself

Jacques