just struggling

[Appleblossom]

Sorry you are struggling. I only just found this thread.

All I can say is that strong face of your is in your posts all over the forum with kind encouraging words for many people. So I dont think there is a need to toughen up at all.  Please believe you are tough enough to survive these court issues and sensitive enough to remain a caring decent human bean and mum.

[chookmojo]

Oh dear that is awful. Your poor little lad! 

[Former-Member]

Thank you, @chookmojo and @Appleblossom and @Jacques

Its been such a long day, i missed an appointment with the psychiatrist but i didnt realise it was today the mental health worker never gave me the date... and normally she'll send a text message out a few days before which she didnt this time. Now i'm so embarrased, i hate being unreliable. And feel stupid. But im kind of reieved too, i didnt really feel up to seeing him but then i had avisit from the mental health worker because id missed the appointment, but i felt so embarrassed i cancelled our usual meet up tomorrow. Maybe I'll just stay in bed tomorrow ...

LJ

[Mazarita]

Hi @Former-Member. In my worst times I've cancelled so many doctors appointments and they still took me back without even mentioning it. I still have the impulse to go back to bed a lot too, sometimes several times a day. These days I try to at least keep these to short naps. I'm hoping a good night's sleep will settle some of these feelings and you will get up tomorrow.

[Appleblossom]

You have so much going on dont be too hard on yourself.

I only starting recovering when I finally ignored all the advice to tell me not to go to bed during the day and started daytime napping.  I am rarely irritable though I am always managing the SI.    If I hadnt rested properly I would have turned into a snappy crabby bitch ... but I didnt ... so so much for the psychologist advice on that one.

[NikNik]

HI Lj,
I can relate to you. I felt so bad about missing an appointment once that I was throwing money at them because of the money they would have missed out on. They told me to stop being silly and that it happens all the time.
They know we're all human and it wasn't intentional or done with bad intentions.
It's funny... not only have I had that experience with a Dr.. but also the hair dresser (& they DID send me a text message) and more recently I missed a breakfast catch up with a friend.. that was the WORST!
But what seemed big to me.. was tiny for them. My hairdresser never actually mentioned it, the Dr didn't even remember next time I saw him & I apologised and my friend forgave me (I think!).
Shame is such a powerful emotion.

[Former-Member]

its been a long week, there's been a nice thing happen, being accepted into a course for uni is good, but now my over active anxious brain starts in on the negative stuff about being selfish, not being able to do it or keep up with it etc. oh well!  The rabbit ate my good boots too! i didnt know rabbits ate shoes! lol, im not really fussed about the shoes. it was only the covering of the heal anyways!

I'm not really doing so great mentally, i know im getting lower, but there really doesn seem anywhere to turn, i tried a different clinic to get in with a femal dr but they told me i cant get an appointment there because im a patient at another cinic. but i dont really want to swap clinics officially because my usual dr will be back sometime next month. sigh. havent heard if my psychiatrist will be available any time soon after missing the appointment earlier this week, usually takes 6 weeks to get a telemed appt. and he'll just want to change meds anyway (which yes might be needed and might help.. ) but changing meds is not easy for me and ill feel even worse before better. gah!

oh well, whinge over!

lj

[Mazarita]

Hi @Former-Member. I feel for you with changing meds. I may have to go through one of these changes again after I see my psychiatrist next week because of side effects that have arisen with the AD I've been taking for the past couple of months. The positive side of it is that a better medication can be much more helpful. I do feel concern about your anxious mind and sometimes wonder if you are really getting the medication help you need. I don't think I've ever been aware of what your diagnosis is. Hopefully next time around will be luckier for both of us with the meds. On a more upbeat note, congratulations on getting into the course!

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Mazarita

when i went to hospital in feb they said i had major depression with psychotic features and ptsd/anxiety. The meds i've been on since have made me nauseus so i take smoething to help control tha as well each day. however i wasnt really convinced about the psychosis and different people in hospital said that the psychosis was just flashbacks/intrusive memories from the ptsd and they argued amongst themselves. 

I'm hoping that if i do start this course in the summer semester that it will at least give me tangible goals to work towards, because i know if i have deadlines and things to work towards i can be more focussed.. but also terrified that im going to find it too much and feel worse as afailure. I need a crystal ball lol

how are you doing?

LJ

[Mazarita]

I take three different kinds of meds for bipolar, depression and anxiety: a mood stabiliser, an anti-depressant and an anti-psychotic. I've never been diagnosed with psychosis but in the past have had problems with very angry feelings and outbursts which have been really helped by the anti-psychotic med. These days I'm fairly even but seem to have settled mainly into depression over many years now. Partner is away at the moment and I'm finding it lonely and my days empty. Still sleeping too much, sometimes just to pass time or else to 'reboot' if I'm feeling bad. Still struggling to leave the flat but not as much as I used to when I first arrived at the forum some months ago. Also doing more domestics than I used to do (though still hardly any cooking). Things are slowly moving in a positive direction I think. May it continue!