TW: it feels like I'm drowning

[TideisTurning]

Warmth seems like a wonderful antidote @creative_writer . Almost like a big, comforting hug ❤️ 

[creative_writer]

@TideisTurning yes it does feel like a hug. I just wish I could let someone hug me while I struggle but I never do. I hate being vulnerable and don’t want to seem desperate. I can feel quite worthless and unimportant.

[Paperdaisy]

I can relate to that @creative_writer I also used to really struggle with being vulnerable. I'm slowly learning to be better at it and it's liberating. Something to think about. Sitting with you 💝

[creative_writer]

@Paperdaisy there are only very few people in my life I can be real with. Sometimes I get scared of overwhelming them. In some ways I feel sort of stupid of being triggered by a dream. I’ve had worse dreams before, this isn’t as bad as those. Yet I feel like I’m struggling to cope.

[creative_writer]

I gave into SH 😩. I am safe and okay.

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear things are tough for you @creative_writer .

Please feel free to reach out to crisis services if you feel the need to:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000 

You do not need to go through this alone.

Sitting with you, tyme

[creative_writer]

@tyme contacted SANE earlier today. The person I got was lovely. Don’t think anything could’ve stopped me from doing what I did. I just felt like I had to in order to get through this distress, I know it doesn’t help in the long term. Sometimes my brain loses rationality and acts on emotions. Maybe I really do need sleep, my decision making skills have been so good today. I wasted today procrastinating and ruminating.

[tyme]

I'm glad you were able to get through to the SANE helpline today @creative_writer .

Giving in to SH doesn't make you a bad person. From experience, it is not about taking SH away but managing the underlying issues that result in SH.

Often, we focus so much on the SH, and want to take that away from a person - yet this is like a bandaid. It doesn't fight the root of the infection.

I'd encourage you to continue reaching out and finding ways to understand and manage the emotions etc that lead you to want to SH.

All the best,

tyme 

[creative_writer]

@tyme yeah that’s true. SH is deeply rooted. It’s so hard for many people to understand it, that I often end up hiding it. I just don’t want to feel more guilty and ashamed than I already do. It is a journey. I think I’ve had high expectations from myself, it feels disappointing to relapse into it after not doing it for like a month.

[tyme]

As disappointing as it may be @creative_writer , now it is about how to move forward. Telling yourself it is ok to 'fall' will help you move forward. MH has its ups and downs. It is definitely not all smooth sailing. I know this from experience.

We are here for you, to support you through your journey.

tyme