Supporting and promoting the well-being of mental health carers and their families.
Mental Health Carers Austalia.
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10-04-2020 11:51 PM
10-04-2020 11:51 PM
Splitting
Hi !
Just signed up. Literally now. Have read everything i can on BPD. Its very jarring . I wondered if anyone had any experience with splitting ? Father of my 3 children has left us. He had BPD . He is also an alcoholic who self harms. Very tricky...
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10-04-2020 11:52 PM
10-04-2020 11:52 PM
Re: Splitting
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11-04-2020 08:26 PM
11-04-2020 08:26 PM
Re: Splitting
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11-04-2020 09:33 PM
11-04-2020 09:33 PM
Re: Splitting
Hi radiantwarmth!
We have been together a very long time. Spent alot if time in couples therapy. I love him very deeply. The real him. Unfortunately he has alcohol addiction and he medicates his BPD by drinking to numb his pain.
He cheated on me when he split 1 year ago. Done it again now. Splitting is no joke . Its brutal.
Get legal advice for sure
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11-04-2020 09:38 PM
11-04-2020 09:38 PM
Re: Splitting
*just to arm yourself if it goes pear shaped. If you have a house and children as i do.
Splitting is extremely difficult to deal with. Stop walking on eggshells is such a good bible to learn back and forth when you have a BPD loved one.
That great mantra it says:
You didnt cause it
You cant control it
You cant cure it
Get off their back
Get out of their way
And Get in with your life.
Trying to have a life for yourself aside from your boarderline is key . But also hard when you love them so much
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13-04-2020 01:39 PM
13-04-2020 01:39 PM
Re: Splitting
Personally, I plan to give my partner praise when she sells it, while she is in her current phase. Hopefully in a few weeks when she might be more reflective, I will remind her that I accept her for the way she is.
However then may be a time to talk about the future of the relationship. To split, what will happen to the kids. Perhaps it might be easier for the relationship of we live apart and have the space so partner can link in when they are well and better for me to have dodge to recover when my partner is unwell. I think might be relevant to you too. I think timing is key and when they are willing to listen.
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13-04-2020 07:32 PM
13-04-2020 07:32 PM
Re: Splitting
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14-04-2020 10:08 PM
14-04-2020 10:08 PM
Re: Splitting
Hi Holiday, I hope you are feeling better, stronger today in your situation. Just thought you may just find some of my plan of action useful in your situation.
I did an online chat about separating at ba legal Aid Victoria's website where they sent me an email off brochures and useful information. I found that empowering when rewarding through the actual relevant family law. Then, there is Relationships Australia where I might see if my partner would like to try counselling, otherwise meditation and parenting obligations. Looks to be cheap if not free. The local provider is doing sessions online via videochat. Then I let my parents know about the situation and that things could go either way. Centrelink is coming you the party. I began a diary a few days ago to make notes of my partner's behaviour, for future references and if it helps legal matters in future. Finally, on Thursday I'll buy my partner a nice gift to let her know I care about her. Gifting is her primary "love language". Do you know the book, 5 Love Languages?
Hope you don't mind the long message but maybe there is something useful there for you.
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15-04-2020 09:53 PM
15-04-2020 09:53 PM
Re: Splitting
Thanku radiant!
That all sounds aweosme , im so happy for you if that has helped you🤗
I have been on a rollercoaster past few days... his splitting is vile at the moment.
Ive decided to block him . I can't take the abuse anymore...
I did manage to save our home for the children and I. So that's a victory. Finally went to unconditional sale to me.
I think you sound really kind to persist with gifting and thinking of your loved one.
That's a testament to your character.
Because loving someone that has BPD can be challenging.
I have to keep reminding myself that the awful things he says has nothing to do with me .. hard to do when he goes out of his way to be so mean.
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22-05-2020 08:58 PM
22-05-2020 08:58 PM
Re: Splitting
Hi Holiday,
How is your situation at the moment? I hope life is less of a rollercoaster for you now and more stable? Blocking sounds like a wise thing to do! I have blocked my ex and her parents as well.
I wonder if my ex has Borderline Personality Disorder rather than Bipolar. However, for me it doesn't matter anymore as the relationship is well and truly over. Now it's all about our 16 month old son.
Ashley