@hiddenite
Hi Hiddenite,
I really understand and empathise with your position right now.
There is little that is more frightening than being ill and not being confident that you can get the support you need. Symptoms can be overwhelming. And that really is the first hurdle isn't it?
Symptoms are the brains way of telling us that something is not working properly. With a physical injury like a cut finger the indicator that it's not healing properly are the symptoms of infection, redness, discharge and soreness.
That translates too into mental illness. We have feelings of powerlessness, severe depression, and loss of appetite, somatic pain, and sleeplessness, loss of hope, anxiety and fear. All these are true indicators of being unwell. Just as a band aid is not effective on an infected cut, so too our normal coping mechanisms losing effectiveness when we are acute.
If I may be blunt with you, right now you seem to be in an acute phase of illness. This is scary for you, and as you struggle to fend off or control your symptoms your energy levels become depleted and the fear just gets worse. Is that about right?
If so, then you probably need more than just a band aid. You may need a safe place to allow symptoms to settle down. A place where you don't have negative reinforcement in your ear. A place that will help you return to a level of consciousness that is once again bearable. Also a place that can, with your input as well, look at your treatment options and your therapeutic needs.
The PARC program in Victoria is a superb option when one is levelled out and is beginning to plan for the future. If you live in Victoria it is a brilliant option part of a discharge plan. As it's only available in Victoria and if you do reside there is a viable option after stabilisation.
I personally do not like going to the mental health unit, but if my doc tells me I should go I do. If my friends, who know me very very well suggest it I must consider it an option. And if I can't find equilibrium on my own strength then I must consider the stabilizing effect that hospital actually can have.
I survived 16 years of torture and fear as a boy growing up, and tho it created this illness I now live with I am strong and resilient and I didn't survive all that pain simply to fall to pieces in the dark. We survivors are very very tough. It's almost like a core of steel runs through the centre of our beings. And tho we are damaged we remain as survivors. You can survive this crisis. You have made it as far as this on your own, because we are often on our own. But there always comes a time when our strength needs shoring up and support from outside. That support covers areas that we cannot affect. And we cannot affect the way the brain actually functions. So please Hiddenight consider the support that a mental health unit would provide. And cut yourself a little slack. Even the toughest of survivors need to rest and recuperate. Think of it in those terms. From recuperation plans for treatment and therapeutic pathways can be mapped out. And again as I said if you’re Victorian you can request the next stage to be undergone under the Prevention and Recovery Care Service option. (PARC)
I am very sure that this current exacerbation of symptoms will pass, PTSD or CPTSD is essentially episodic and the sun will rise and shine on your face once more.
So please my friend, get some rest as you can, understand that things can and will improve,
remember that hope is your friend and like a good friend
Hope endures
Rick
