Being real

[PeppiPatty]

Thanks @kristin, your keeping me strong

[kristin]

Hey Anne,

Hope you are travelling ok at the moment. I don't know about keeping anyone else strong. To be quite frank I'm not feeling strong at all.

I haven't managed to post an update on what's happening for me for ages because it just hasn't stopped. I feel like things settle and I get my head above water, my feet back on the ground; and then life's roller-coaster takes off again. 

Part of the problem is that we've had quite a traumatic year so far in quite a few ways. Some of which I've mentioned already and some I haven't, but will post about eventually. I've both found it necessary to be, and been offered (funding) help with, engaging with therapy/services which help myself and my 7yo (and some for my 13yo too). This has been good in some ways. However I've had to source all of the providers of that help myself.

I am now up to 14 new (for us this year) relationships with therapists/organisations that are also ongoing, which I have to manage on top of my kids and the schools and their dads and my own therapy - not to mention finding space for a life! Quite a bit of the funding we have is only available until November, so I can't afford to just park this because I'm overwhelmed.

I feel awful even complaining about having so much help - because I am grateful for it, and I know that in the longer term it will be helpful help. But managing it all (and juggling appointments and logistics) is not helpful to me at all at the moment. It has made a mess of me having quiet days, though I still try to have at least one a week. One of the organisations I've contacted is Partners in Recovery which used to be run by Medicare Locals, but they are now in a state of flux due to the changes. Who knows how long I will have to wait. They actually manage and co-ordinate all the services you work with - that's the theory anyway, as well as providing funding for some things. 

My new MH support worker is really good (from Neami, very impressed! - thanks for the tip @Rick !), and has been incredibly supportive. However she made the mistake last week (she was trying to be helpful, I know) of suggesting that I consider spending some time in a PARC unit. This was new to me - basically as I understand it this is a residential pre- or post-vention option around a psych admission to hospital. In other words the idea is to provide some support to avoid an admission to a psych ward.

I had to tell her straight up I won't be going. She said she was concerned that I "wasn't coping". I explained to her that I AM coping: my kids are fed, clothed and attending school. That's my bottom line. If that wasn't happening then I wouldn't be coping. I am really stressed, and quite unwell - very wobbly emotionally. But anything which has the potential to traumatise my kids (and me not being at home is definitely that) will be traumatising to me too, and I won't even consider it. This week I explained that her suggestion was unhelpful and why, she got it and apologised.

So here I am just one foot in front of the other searching for a way through this, and grateful for the times I'm carried - or have my foot placed just where it needs to be. I sure as heck couldn't do it alone.

Hope for a healing journey endures...

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[peace]

Hi there @kristin business in its self can create stress let alone the overwhelming pressure of your responsibilities to your daughters. I know I so admire you so much as you have been able to help so many of us here. I know I'm not alone in gratitude. It certainly sounds like you have a handle on all that is happening in your life yet I understand that it doesn't take away the pressure. I'm glad you are able to share with us here and I sincerely hope that it helps to some degree. From your writings I can tell you are a very wise lady and quite strong also. So I hope you diligently apply this wisdom to yourself.

Thinking of you Kristin and I send you my blessings 😇

[Ellie]

Hi Kristin. I was going to try and write a wonderfully supportive reply, but just wouldn't know what to say considering what you're going through. You certainly have a mountain placed upon your shoulders, yet your strength to push through all your problems shines through the rubble. And you are a strong person Kristin. Make no mistake about it. My issues are a bed of roses compared to yours.

All I can do is wish you all the very best in getting your life back on track and may it be for the long haul.

Kind regards,

Ellie.

[kato]

@kristin

Hi kristin,

wow you certainly do have your plate full and sounds like you have also got seconds and thirds too, i know how overwhelmed you must be feeling about all of this, you definately seem to be handling things, even with all the stress involved, try to take care of yourself as well, i know that it can be hard and quite easy to put health and wellbeing on the back burner.

It's always good to have a vent every now and then, it certainly helps get things of the chest, Just remember we are all here to support you as you support us too

Hope things start getting better for you

[INSIDEOUT]

I agree with what everyone hasaisaid!

You have taken on a lot but have the insight to see when things are starting to spiral out of control and implement strategies to help yourself.

I am only now starting to get these ideas, and am hoping I can get strong enough to move back into my family who I miss so much.

Thanks for your input, it has inspired me.