complex PTSD

[Rick]

 Hi I'm rick

I have complex pTSD from 14 years of torture. I have been ill for over 30 years. I've still managed to accomplish many things and have had successful careers in youth work and the entertainment industry.

I'm not used to discussing this type of thing outside of my relationship with my psyche.

I was thinking that since some of my symptomology seems to be worsening I might try checking out the experience of others.

Please come on by and say howdy

make a fellow feel welcome

ta 

Rick

[NikNik]

Hi @Rick 

Welcome to the Forums - so glad you found us 🙂

Good on you, having the courage and strength to accomplish thing in life. You sound like a very generous person; even after all you have been through, you have chosen professions (youth work AND entertainment) that are all about giving. That's inspring.

I hope you find these forums helpful. The community is friendly and supportive. There are a few people here who have disclosed that they experience PTSD. One discussion that jumps to mind is this inspiring one by @kristin 

Again, welcome! Have a look around, take off your jacket and relax. We're looking forward to getting to know you 🙂

NikNik

[tabby]

Hi rick, in new here also, nice meet you, i have lived with depression for about 20 years and lately it has decided to take a different turn, lots of mood cycles happening now, seems to happen after Major events so in just waiting in limbo for my psyche appoint to c what's goin on, in not good asking for help or telling my story, but i just cant handle it at the mo

[kristin]

Hi Rick,

Welcome to the forums. 

Sounds like you are in the right place. I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering. Thanks for having the courage to join the conversation. It can be a bit of a leap of faith.

I've also got C-PTSD, and bipolar type1. To be honest I'm struggling a bit at the moment myself. I feel a bit like an emotional pancake at the moment, so I may not be much help.

The forum here is a gift. Share as much or as little as you wish, but the more you share I think you will find thre more you gain from it. There is a wonderful supportive community here, who really "get" what it's like to suffer from various MIs. It's surprising how much common ground there is, even when we have quite different diagnoses.

You mention some of your symptoms seem to be getting worse. Do you feel comfortable saying what sort of things?

Kind regards,

Kristin

[Rick]

Hi Tabby

major events?

it's always helpful to know ones triggers and many of these can in fact be avoided. I take it though that your Major events take a different form. Yes?

How much longer do you have to wait to see youe doctor?

I'm heartened to see you are seeing a psychiatirst rather than relying on your G.P.

I have found that simply talking about the issues you are dealing with a compassionate and empathetic person helps, even if you need to do it regularly. It's a case of getting through one day at a time.

Might I suggest to you to ring Beyond Blue and tell them your story and ask for more resources

Their No. 1300224636

I have used them and they put me onto a mens line that offered followup. I have found that if I'm having acute dissociative flashbacks and getting upset the talking helps to calm the mind.

I might also suggest you contact a Mental Health Support NGO such as Neami or Partners in Recovery( these are both National services but there will be something local to you if you start there) and make a referral for for a support and recovery plan. Remember recovery is not about an absence of symptoms it's about improving the quality of your life.

I hope this helpful.

Hope endures

Rick

[Rick]

Hello NikNik

How do you do?

I thank you for your warm welcome.

I've recently attained my cert 4 in Mental health and as I have a lot of experience as a youth worker and more than enough lived experience of MI I hope soon to be employed in the sector as a case manager or support worker.

I look forward to further engagement in this forum

Hope endures

Rick

[Rick]

Hello Kristin

Thankyou for your kind words.

I'm very comfortable discussing aspects of Complex PTSD as they apply to me.

Being a complex condition it is many faceted.

I first became symptomatic at the age of 9.

I grew up being systematically tortured for 14 years which is how I got this little gem of a condition.

Currently am taking an older form of medication for suicdiality. After 12 years of different meds we finally found one that works on the depressive suicidiality.

I have found that with the relief of the depression I'm experiencing an unsurge in anxiety, dissociative episodes and immersive flashbacks. Nightmares too have become more prevalent.

All this being said these things are more manageable when not accompanied by suicidal depression.

I have accesssed support services through Neami and have found that it has been very useful.

All things considered I believe I am recovering well. Rembering that one can recover whilst still experiencing symptomology. My life is slowly improving in quality.

Hope endures

Rick

[kristin]

Dear Rick,

It sounds and horrific, and no doubt was/is far more so.

I'm really glad to hear that you've finally got a med that works for your suicidality. Horrible struggling with that, meds not working/helping on top of it is excruciating.

Sadly it is often the case both physically and emotionally/psychologically that when we deal with one acute pain we discover others beneath which were "drowned out" by the worst one. I respectfully suggest that although the flashbacks and nightmares are incredibly painful and frightening to experience they are hopefully signs of movement towards further healing? Signs that you are ready to process the past pain behind them more deeply?

This was my experience very recently - these things were an opportunity for me to engage with the damage of the abuse at a deeper level, and to lay them to rest in a gentler more compassionate place in myself. I don't wish to minimise in any way how excruciating these experinces are - but I hope this might be part of your journey to a better space.

It's great that you can see the positive of how much difference it makes not constantly carrying that milllstone of suicidality around. I've been there too, but not as unrelentingly - so exhausting just to keep going/fight it/ignore it.

I'm really glad that you find Neami helpful, I have heard good things about them - they've recently started working in my area.

You are certainly a survivor, that comes through loud & clear. Hope does endure. Please accept my hope and best wishes for some gentler journeying on your road ahead.

Kindest regards, Kristin

[kristin]

Hi @Rick

(Thanks for your kind words @NikNik, but to be perfectly honest I don't think that post is likely to be much help to Rick at present.)

More likely these might be closer to the mark:

On PTSD http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/P-T-S-D/m-p/8249/highlight/true#M676

http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/is-it-all-in-my-head/m-p/11804/highlight/true#M1123

These are a couple I found on the forum. I'm sure there are others, search on words like PTSD for a list of threads. 

Over the weekend I found this US? based (but not exclusive) forum for CSA survivors, which has a specific section on flashbacks & nightmares - including coping tips & helpful exercises. I'm not sure whether this applies specifically to your circumstances but it might have some helpful ideas anyway?

http://pandys.org/forums/index.php?showforum=153

Keep up the great work Rick. You are managing a horrendous load and doing more than "simply" surviving, you are growing. That takes enormous courage and strength.

Blessings on your journey,

Kristin

[SCORPION]

Hi Rick

Im scorpion I suffer PTSD as wel as depression I have only been suffering for 2 years. And at times it feels like a lifetime, flashbacks are the worst and the nightmare not much better but I have found that there is a lot of good people on this site and some great ideas to deal with things just reading others experience s is a help to know we're not alone. Just take it one day at a time and look forward. Iam also finding keeping fit helps a bit to.

Stay well.

Scorpion