reaching out??
another term of drifferent meanings
here......here is good i can blurt anything and you know what i mean you know where it comes from
my therpist...... i know its only been 3 sessions but this last one seemed to all about my parents..... I know my parents are all sorts of messed up. that as the only child from the first marriage i was only used to "get at" each parent (oooo look she is living with me and not you) money either centrelink or child support (mother wanted me to move home on my 19th birthday which she forgot after she told me i wasnt welcome at home anymore with nothing a week after my 18th birthday because i was an adult now because she wanted centrelink) or as a baby sitter for my younger siblings ( i was looking after toddlers at 10 for about 9hrs at a time on school holidays because my parents worked). then there was the child phsycologist because i was damaged in some way unknown still to me this day who would tell my step mother every word i said which she would then twist for her own plans. the comparison to my half/step brothers and sisters and how wonder full they were how broken i was and i probly looked it too to the outside world with my siblings never wanting of anything while i was like cinderella second had clothing (down to my underwear) forced to leave school without my vce which i wanted because they wouldnt pay for it and my part time job couldnt i wanted to go to uni........... all past now
kids therpistis........ well i still cant get my boy in one at this point unless i want to pay 250 per session and my daughters appointed therpist im very uncomphy with her at this point after telling her the whole story of me the ex and the kids the first thing she wanted to do was bring the ex into out sessions... i dont think so *shudders*
my ex....... dealing with him daily at the moment is a nightmare and brings on nightmares and day dreams..... I have ended up getting my lawer to be the go between cause im not coping
a job......HA i wish i the last couple of months i have applied for over 200 jobs and still unemployed... no vce only a cert 2 and 3 in medical admin single mother who would want me ( i have seen carees people from a dozen drifferent place there no help)
money...... no job, centrelink 1117 fortnight when rent is over 1500 pluse 2 school camps for my son 485 his school photos 50 my daughter birthday and easter and thats before any other bill or food or petrol, and thank you Mr Abbot cuttin the food bank budjet by 50% this year they can bearly help anybody
talking of rent i'm being evicted from my current rental in May so the landlord can give the house to her son trying to find a drifferent rental in this market pluse find bond rent money for the carpets to be don pluse the move it self is daunting.
oh and my therpist is strongly suggesting i don't go back to work for a couple of years till my youngest is in school........ how do i not i cant live
ok falling apart now
