Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Hello @DoctorDonna 

one day at a time my friend , we are believers too and walking by faith

The step children are all adults now , a couple of them call me mum, they all love me now  in their own way - they have their ups and downs but they love their dad

My husband has cancelled all help

My hubby Illness seems to run in cycles , so I can tell when things start buiding up that we need to have a day off .

he has had so many jobs over the years, until i said how about being self employed , well it has been able to give him a bit more control in his life , we have had lots of ups and downs , low income due to his illness

when he start getting anxious, flustered he starts to hurry, which causes him to get more anxious  etc

[Appleblossom]

Hi @DoctorDonna

I noticed you had posted more recently on another thread.

Your post triggered me a bit, in that I have both watched a lot of SH and then eventually it broke down in me and i started to Sh .. differently to my sibs but in a similar way to your husband.

It breaks our heart watching it .. the energy is usually far too frantic to be able to do anything in the moment .. though that you could hold his hand .. was good .. you also seem to understand psychologically the stress he is going through.  Probably due to having had a tough background and being a caring and non-judgemental person.. some people really flip out about such things .. and dont get it at all ... Once I cuddled a person hitting themself from the back and they eventually stopped and relaxed into my embrace .. but it can be tricky ..and he might be a huge burly bloke .. so I wouldnt want you to get hurt unintentionally.

The good thing .. is that it may not be long term permanently incapacitating .. and he can stop ... but it is not a WILL thing .. fiercely willing oneself to be a certain way .. often makes things harder .. its persistently forgiving oneself and being a little gentler with oneself that seems to work best ... you know how guys often have the ego thing .. that they cant be master of the universe .. its universal given .. none of us can be that .. all we can do is offer it up .. with humour if we cant find humility ..

I have managed to find other ways to channel the impulse over the years and have not SH for 15 years .. so it is possible to stop .. there is something in it .. which is about things running their own course.

Mostly .. take care of you .. really .. not many people are that mature about dealing with this kind of behaviour .. he is lucky.

[DoctorDonna]

Hello Applebloosom (love the name by the way 🍎🌷)

Thankyou for your message.

I am so glad you have found a way to manage the impulse to self harm for such a long time. That is such a huge achievement, I hope you are proud of yourself.😀

SH is such a misunderstood thing but I do think talking about it helps. Also for others to understand it isn't just cutting. I hope your loved ones have also found ways to cope without SH.

You are so Spot on about the need to be gentle and forgiving to oneself. My husband struggles with this. Still 5 years I find myself surprised by how hard he is on himself. It must be so exhausting for him ☹️

Hope you have a great Christmas 🎄

[Faith-and-Hope]

Was just thinking of you @DoctorDonna ❣ 

I had just tagged you from our Hot Chocolate thread when my iPad updated and your post appeared in my Inbox ... one of those moments ...

😊

[Shaz51]

Hello @DoctorDonna

 have been thinking of you today ?? how are you my friend ??