Living with verbal emotional abuse

[Heather]

Hi everyone
feeling very empty and alone dealing with verbal emotional abuse on a weekly basis.
As alone I feel I'm sure I'm not the only one.

[Hobbit]

Hi @Heather ,

Firstly, welcome to the forums! You will find some really great, caring people on these forums, who really understand and can offer you much in the way of support.

Verbal and emotional abuse can be really hard to handle, and NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. It sounds like it's been going on for a long time too. I really feel for you.

One thing I can say though, is your comment that you are not alone is unfortunately true. A lot of people have this same experience. But let's turn that around into a good thing - YOU ARE NOT ALONE HERE!!

I am sure you will find some great support from some of our fantastic forum members that can talk to you from the viewpoint of their own experiences. @PeppiPatty @Alessandra1992 @kristin @JT and @kenny66  are just a few that come to mind!!

Once again, welcome!!

Hobbit.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi Heather,
Yep,

it's not your fault.

If you wish to write here, you may find more perspective....or......separate yourself from what's happening and ........give yourself a break.

I'm interested.

Does that feel right for you ?

[Heather]

Hi hobbit really appreciate ur reply thank u . I am hoping to achieve some positive result in joking this forum . People whom I can relate with and hopefully help too .

[Alessandra1992]

Emotional abuse takes many firms, sometimes the silent treatment is as painful as the shouting/yelling version.
Either is pretty much unacceptable but it is something many many people struggle with, not just people with MI.
Sometimes it is helpful to think of why is the other person so keen on control? They may be obviously losing control, but all abuse is around power, who has it and how is it exerted?
As adults, we hope we treat each other respectfully in our words and actions. Sometimes we need to remove ourselves from the out of control person, and this applies equally to the person who snipes and puts down people constantly as to the person who shouts and uses loudness to dominate..

So how do we all handle these kinds of situations?


Where do our boundaries lie? And how do we rival poor behaviours with positive alternatives?

[Heather]

Thank u to all u has written my replies. Something I have been trying so hard is to find out the answer to y the abuser is the way they are ? Y do they feel they need to treat me this way ? Y do they feel they need to have "the power" over me ?????

[Alessandra1992]

Sometimes it is because other people feel powerless.. It is easy to take out your anger and frustration on someone that you don't value as having equal value to your own..and people who continually belittle others have a big problem with their own self esteem.

[JT]

Hi Heather, welcome to the forums.  Really hope you find the support here to get you through.  

I reckon emotional abuse is one of the cruelest forms.  I was emotionally abused by my ex husband and his abuse was all about control, it was debilitating but I only realised after I left.  I did spend years though wishing he would hit me because then others would see how he was. 

Why do they do it?  Control?  The need to dominate?  Gosh knows some expert would probably say their monther didn't breastfeed them or their father should have eaten more greens. In the case of my ex I no longer care.  

My son on the other hand (he was only a child) was harder to handle.  After 10 years of abuse from my partner I walked, my son on the other hand I felt an obligation to him.  Happily it was worth the pain but perhaps if I didn't already feel like the victim I would have handled him better.  Who knows.  

Anyways, there is support out there for you!

[chemonro]

Hi heather, emotional abuse is crap, isn't it? The worst thing about stigma and abuse is that those who are most vulnerable receive the most. Now why is that? 

[Heather]

Hi Sandy

i agree with you on a few points mentioned especially with taking the anger out on someone they feel has lesser value then their own and think that they have a deeper issue within themselves. i want to help him i know in his heart he is a good loving person , i struggle every day thinking and over thinking how i can help him .

regards heather

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@Alessandra1992 wrote:
Sometimes it is because other people feel powerless.. It is easy to take out your anger and frustration on someone that you don't value as having equal value to your own..and people who continually belittle others have a big problem with their own self esteem.

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