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Bipolar ex- my story

Hi All,

Just wanted to share a snippet of my experience with Bipolar Disorder.

I met my ex October 2013. We got along straight away. He was so affectionate and full of life even a bit too intense compared to my past relationships. I really liked that because I always felt like my past relationships lacked that passion that I felt I needed. It was great. He was so into me and I was so into him. I found out he had Bipolar Disorder Type 1, but little ignorant me had no idea about the gravity of that diagnosis. Even after finding out he had been hospitalised before I still had no idea what that all meant. I feel like such a dumbass and I feel like a lot of people think the way I did. That bipolar disorder or any other MI is no big deal and it makes me angry to think how ignorant I was.

We spent all our free time together. I introduced him to my family and friends and he introduced me to his. I really felt like I had found the man I was going to marry. Around July, my ex kinda got a bit quieter than usual, his energy was a bit down and I didn't really understand. He seemed ok though, just more tired than usual.

It wasn't until September/October 2014 that the big change happened. He started getting really excited about life. Everything was great, he had so many projects and ideas. He wanted to make lots of money, he wanted to get married, he wanted to go to the beach everyday, see his friends, socialise. It was exausting for me. He would not sit still. I started to get irritated by his behaviour. He would not answer questions, it was impossible to keep a conversation. He would talk over you and go off on tangents and keep going and going. I remember one day we were going to Palm Beach for breakfast, we lived in Artarmon, it took us around 2 hours to get there because he wanted to stop here and there and see everything and apreciate the view and the whole time I just sat quietly because I couldn't get a word in. He talked for 2 hours straight! About everything and anything. Those were the hypomania days. They were exausting but the worst was yet to come.

After that, the ideas started to come. He wanted to buy and sell cars because he met someone that did that. He thought he could do it too so he started buying cars. He wanted to build a bbq at my mum's house so he started to get all these building materials over to her house. She lived in Canberra. We were going to Canberra every weekend. The bbq later turned into an infinity pool. I really don't know how an infinity pool could have been built with a couple of wood sheets and sand bags. He started to get irritated because I couldn't keep up with his train of thought. He used to say his mind was going at 180km per hour and I couldn't keep up. I wasn't agreeing with his ideas anymore, I couldn't understand him anymore, we were fighting because he was never home and always irritated by the fact that I couldn't understand why he wasn't there. That's when the lies and manipulations started.

The whole thing was a big mess. And I still didn't realise what was really going on. I just thought that the person I loved what behaving so differently and I just couldn't understand what I had done to make our relationship change so much. Talking to my GP, she brought up his Bipolar and told me to look into the symptoms. I knew he had Bipolar Disorder, but I didn't know what that was. When I saw the symptoms, I knew straight away that he was manic. 

He is unmedicated and not seeing any doctors. He is in complete denial of his diagnosis and refuses treatment. After learning more about this, I realised that I would have a terrible future with him if he remained untreated. That's when I knew I had to make the hardest decision of my life and break up with the person I thought was my true love. It hurt so much but now I see that staying in that relationship would have hurt more.

Once we broke up (January), it took him 2 weeks and he has come down from his mania. He has lost everything. He lost his job, he had no money, he lost me and had no place to live. I think those factors together contributed to him coming down. 

In the ideal world, I do wish he would seek treatment. I have told him that this is the only thing standing between us. He still refuses. I'm just trying to understand what happened and why. I'm glad there are places like this forum where I can share my story and read about others in similar predictaments as me. This has been the harderst thing I have ever gone through. Because of this I understand the true meaning of anxiety. I'm seeing a psychologist for my anxiety attacks and to find a way to cope with this hard time in my life. 

Thanks for reading and sorry about the crazy long post!

7 REPLIES 7

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

Hi OzBra,

Thanks so much for joining the forums, I'm also new to the forums as a moderator!Smiley Very Happy

I really appreciate you sharing your story about your ex living with bipolar disorder. One of the hardest things that carers have to come to terms with is waiting till your loved one is ready to get help, not when we are ready for them to get help.

I am sure there are many more people on here who have had similar experiences as you and will be willing to share their stores with you, offer advice.

I am happy to hear that you are accesing a psychologist to get some support. Good Call!

 

Outlanderali

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

Hi Outlanderali,

Thanks so much for the quick reply and support Smiley Happy

Yeah, I'm finally understanding that no matter how much I want him to get help, he will need to do that for himself. It's hard to accept and move on.

My psychologist is helping me so much! I'm so glad I'm seeing her. It took me a couple of tries to find someone that I felt comfortable with but now I'm so happy with the decision of seeing her.

 

OzBra

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

I can relate to what you are talking about. I now realise that my partner has Bipolar Disorder. I filled out the self assessment on the Blackdog website and he is totally defined in every aspect. He has spent time in a mental health facility but naively I thought my love and care and our seemingly idyllic situation would be enough to compensate. Well it wasnt enough and now he is in custody after assaulting me and a neighbour calling the police.

I want to get him the medical attention he needs him but since the police took out an ADVO on him, we only have extremely limited contact by phone. I feel helpless. He is awaiting sentencing and I am in a state of despair. The system is so frustrating.  

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

Soul,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. This is heartbreaking. Something similar happened to my ex before we met. He was taking into custody for kidnapping. The charges were later dropped and he was ordered to complete treatment, that's when he was diagnosed. Unfortunately being hospitalized wasn't enough for him to stick to treatment and medication. Hopefully for your partner it turns out different. Now that he is in custody, hopefully he will see that he needs help and seek treatment for his condition. The system does not understand the needs of those with mental illnesses. They rather turn a blind eye because they have no idea how to handle this situation. When my ex was at his peak of mania, I called the hospital to seek help and guidance, they pretty much told me there's nothing they could do because he was out of their jurisdiction. It's just ridiculous. 

I really do hope it all works out for you in the end. I hope you both can learn from this experience and that it makes you better people in the long run. It's hard to see the light in the end of the tunnel while you are going through soemthing so traumatic but I do believe that these situations are put in our lives to make us better. I hope you can find solace in that belief too.

Sending you good wishes.

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

I just have his best interests at heart whether we have a future together or not. I am in no way minimising the severity of the charges that the police have laid on him and the duty of care they have to keep me or anyone else safe but I feel that he has to be treated not as an evil person but as someone who was unable to control his actions at a given point in time. It's not out of pity or guilt that I want to help him. It is because I love him and recognise that he needs professional assistance and that was something I could not provide.

I wish I had realised how big the problem was but we seem to have got to the point where life was really sweet. Therefore it came as a total shock when he just lost it. I was so scared, not only for myself but also for him - that he was going to do something to me that there would have been tragic consequences. I am filled with thoughts of "if only..."

 

Now I have to try to make the best of an awful situation and dealing with the correctional system, lawyers and courts is no fun at all. I know life isnt always plain sailing but at the moment I feel like I'm in the middle of a tsunami.  

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

Hi Soul,

That sounds like a lot for you to handle on your own. I totally relate when you said that you have his interests at heart whether you have a future together or not. I feel the same way about my ex. I just want him to be ok and healthy.
I can also relate to when you said that he shouldn't be treated as an evil person, just someone who had no control over his actions. My family has deemed my ex as a bad person and they are refusing to even believe he has bipolar disorder. In my opinion, he is not a bad person, he just did bad things because he wasnt in his right mind. Like you, I'm not trying to minimize the severity of the situation, his decisions and actions still hurt me and that's why I'm not with him anymore but I know he is not a bad person and that like your partner, he just couldn't control his choices at that moment. For me though, because he has been diagnosed it is his duty to make sure he never gets to the point where he is not able to control his decisions therefore treatment and medication, in my opinion, is essential. And choosing not to seek those is irresponsible of my ex and that's wh I'm no longer with him.
What has helped me cope with all this was seeing a psychologist. I feel that just talking to someone without the pressure of being judged or having your partner judged has helped tremendously. Just being able to go to a safe place and talk, cry and figure things out has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. If you can find someone that you really trust and that is outside of your life I really recommend it. Especially now in this stage where you not only have the shock of seeing your relationship dynamics change so abruptly but also dealing with the external stresses of the law and correctional systems, I think it might help to just be able to lean on someone that is trained to deal with stressful situations.
I sincerely hope things only get better from here for you Soul, I wish you the best for the next trials to come and I hope it all works out for you.

Re: Bipolar ex- my story

Yeah, feeling very much alone. My family didn't approve of the relationship and I actually moved far away from them to be with my partner. They don't know what happened. He too is a very private person and his family, although I have told them, live overseas. They fortunately are very supportive even though my partner painted a very different picture of them to me.

I do fortunately have a very good friend who I confided in. She immediately got on a plane and spent a few days with me. She was nonjudgemental which was great. One of the hardest thing to deal with is the loneliness as we spent so much time together doing simple and epic things and everything in between. Just seeing all his stuff around is heartbreaking, not knowing whether he will be back with me again.

It's like a bad dream. I am on sedatives to get some sleep as my brain can't switch off thinking about the whole thing and I am on the verge of exhaustion, not wanting to eat or do anything we might have done together. I wake up thinking everything is normal but reality descends and that overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and helplessness is upon me.

I started writing a diary of my thoughts, putting down how I was feeling and questions I had. I have been sending these to him through the mail and I only just heard that he has received the first three letters. He isn't allowed to write to me though. I had to plead and plead to the court to allow phone calls but his account still hasn't been activated. I just want answers and his thoughts on what he was feeling before, during, after and now. If he even knows .....  

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