Awareness of Women's Mental Health

[Razzle]

I am so envious reading about everyone’s gardening adventures.  I don’t really like the house I’m in, it’s my husbands family farm, although not the original house, this house was built around 40years ago - think LOTS of

mission brown !! 😏😏

I have a huge back yard, and a reasonable large front yard - it’s a lot of work.  While the kids were young I just kept it mowed, but in the last 2-3 years I’ve put in a lot of work and have landscaped it.  I don’t get much pleasure being inside the house, it needs a lot of maintenance but I kind of do get some solace from my garden.  Not much gets fixed in the house, never have any money for that - but there is always money for motorbikes, machinery, or any hobby the husband is into at the time.

My husband and I have been arguing since Friday last week, a stupid argument and it’s all about the garden.  I’m so upset and angry that I don’t want to set a foot in it ever again.  I feel like he has taken my last place of solace from me.  I have always maintained the yard, it has been such a hard physical and at times painful job.  Now I look at it and it just makes me sad.

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1 Maybe some Liquorice tea to share all round .... 

@Razzle That sounds very distressing.  Do you want to share his plans that mean you are losing your sanctuary and space....You have put the effort in, you ought to be able to enjoy it.

[Razzle]

@Appleblossom  I’m not losing any space or anything like that, it’s just that my husband has an incredible knack of sucking the joy out of anything that

brings me pleasure.

Apparently I mow the yard wrong, so I cracked the shits and told him the yard was all his.  There is a lot more going on than that of course, but being out there now just makes me sad.

[Sophia1]

hello @Razzle

You sound like me with your interest in the garden..wanting to make something out of it...so much hard work...

For me it was a physical issue that stopped my continuing to be able to work on the 5 acres...

It was disheartening watching it all grow over...left unpruned...weeds weeds weeds...

I hope that you can find the energy to go out there again..

it is a part of you..

he can play with his toys...

If this is part of the argument...keep a small section just for you...

I know how much comfort a garden brings when we are not at our best...

Sophia 😒

[outlander]

@Sophia1 that little mad hatters tea party you set up is really sweet. im not sure where you found the picture but its really clever and i really like it!

evening @Owlunar and all passing through

[Appleblossom]

@RazzleThe family is fortunate that you do the mowing at all. I know many women who would not touch a mower and everything outside is up to the man to do. 

Sucking the joy out of everything is a form of abuse. Sorry. 

I had an ex husband who criticised everything I did.  He thought he was a technique King.  It was sad for everyone. I knew heaps of his shortcomings, but I did not believe that it was the point of marriage to bring them up all the time. He would also comment constantly on everything including my mowing! Wonder why when I left, I was fine with a small property and chose NO lawn.

Sending warm hugz

As women we can stick together, especially on this thread.

In another life, I can relate to the fun of motorbikes, but for me it was definitely a teenage thing and basic mode of transport.  I believe toys for boys ....can be fine when the men are grown up, have love and maturity in their intimate relationships and put in the effort.

@BlueBay @Sophia1 @outlander @Owlunar

[Sophia1]

Good morning all @Owlunar@Appleblossom@outlander@Razzle@BlueBay and others passing

@Owlunar sending you a big hug ...holding you tight....I know that there is much going on in your life at the moment...

we can still feel your presence here...so no concerns...💗

I had an emotional day yesterday....

If you ask me why..I would tell you that my confused mind is unable to depict any one reason..

I think more a conglomeration of many reasons...many events...

feeling drained...

Of course the time of year is approaching where the need arises to put a smile on one's face within the company of those one really would prefer not to be in...

Am I becoming bitter?   Or wiser?

I am realising that there are few people whom I like...A small handful really...

When it comes to the general population I do prefer the company of younger and older people as perhaps they have not yet learnt the meaning of fake...they are often very interesting to talk to I find...hear their perspective...

sorry folks ...not wanting to be all  gloom and doom..

It is important to express....

as I say to all of you....

I need to practise what I preach...

Perhaps there is a dividing line between those of us who have unwell minds and those who show us little respect...

Am interested to hear the opinion of others...

[Razzle]

@Sophia1  I have back problems too.  I had Schaumans disease when I was a teen (a type of juvenile arthritis) so I have 3 misshaped vertebrae in my lumbar.  That’s why my yard was just grass (and a couple of apple trees) for many years because mowing was pretty low maintenance, it just looked boring though.

I did have a section that I put garden borders down and bark chips and grew roses and lavender, but after about 10years the weeds took over and a disease got into the roses and killed them, so I dug it all up, pulled out the borders and just left it to be able to mow.

I got all inspired a few years ago and laid lots of borders, put down a heap of mulch, I’d been collection newspapers for months and laid them on top of the mulch.  Lucky for me a truck that was chipping up felled branches under the power lines drive through our yard and I asked what they did with the wood chips.  They said they dump them at a stack site, did I want some - yes !!  They emptied the whole truck just behind our house yard - brilliant 😃😃

The wood chips went over the paper and I planted a heap of shrubs and flowers, I actually had a really nice space to enjoy.  And I did it all on my own. 

It was back breaking work, due to my wonky vertebrae I get a lot of sciatic pain, so to have the finished product was a huge achievement.  

I’ve always been responsible for the yard, so this was my place to be proud of, but since this stupid argument the garden doesn’t bring joy anymore, just hurt and resentment.  We’ve had a bit of rain, and some beautiful sunny days so everything is growing madly at the moment, grass and weeds included, and it does make me sad to see the garden in such a state, it’s looking very neglected but it’s not mine to do anything in it anymore, that makes me sad too.

[Razzle]

@Appleblossom. The yard has always been my domain, I’ve always mowed, pruned, weeded and maintained it.  We’re on a farm so my husband was responsible for everything outside the farmhouse fence line, I was responsible for everything inside.  Until the kids got older, then I also became our truck driver, header driver and airseeder driver.  

I know what my husband is doing is a form of abuse, unfortunately I let him get like this.  All our marriage the things that tick me off seem so petty, so to avoid an argument and keep the peace, I’d suck it up and let it go letting him get his own way.  After 25years of marriage I’m sick of always being the one to compromise, so now we have the arguments.  Doesn’t mean I ever get my way, but if I’m feeling crap over it, I’ll bloody well make sure he’s feeling crap too.

Just lately, we have the argument but I just don’t have the energy to fight for myself.  Every day is just putting one foot in front of the other and just getting through.  About a month ago I was so done with everything that I seriously contemplated ending it all, I probably would have if it hadn’t been for another driver slowing down as they went past me and I saw it was a young woman with small kids in the car and I was more upset that someone like that would find me than the deed itself.

Marriage counselling doesn’t seem to be getting us very far at the moment, although I’m having some breakthroughs with the child abuse councilling.  I’m just so tired all the time, I haven’t got the strength, or the $$ to get myself out of this mess at the moment.

[Sophia1]

Oh @Razzle

sorry to hear about your back pain...that would be so very draining...growing up with extreme pain at such a young age too..

Yet you got to work and created a garden from love...

Those wood chips being available like that....sent from a spiritual place...reaffirming that you are a beautiful person...

You said yourself a huge achievement...yes it certainly was...

I do not know about the reasons behind the argument and also do not need to...I respect your privacy...

I do know though that noone has the right to take away from us something that so much love and hard work went into..

that garden is yours..look into that resentment and hurt....look past those feelings and rediscover the joy and love you had...can still have...do not let the controlling mind of another win..

Having said all of the above...

I do need to say to you...Please make sure that you are safe...Should this be about more than a garden...take steps to look after you...

Do you have a therapist? You might have already mentioned this...talk this out with your therapist if you do...If you do not have one...you can have a referral from your gp for a certain number of visits paid by medicare...

You are safe in writing here also...