@Jumpingcactus Not gonna lie, councilling has been hard. I find it very hard to to talk about the last assault/s.
Marriage counciling is up and down, we make a little progress and then we go backwards, then forwards, then backwards..... I know the child sexual abuse in my past plays a huge part, I’m trying to work through that.
My councilling dealing with CSA had kind of ground to a halt because I couldn’t talk about the last one so the councillor didn’t know which direction we could take because he didn’t really know what had actually happened, what he was dealing with. Last weekend I wrote a kind of journal, explaining everything in graphic detail. It was horrendous, even worse was handing it over and letting him read it (while I cried the whole time)
But, I’ve given this little girl that has been hidden away for 40 years a voice, it’s scary and I feel like shit most of the time, but I’m not carrying that burden on my own anymore.
My councillor is brilliant at asking the hard questions, but he also accepts that I don’t always have the answers either. He’s very reassuring that things will get better for me, and after our last session I think things will move forward again.
Sometimes it’s just nice to know there is someone in my corner giving support where I’ve never had it before. I had been threatened so many times that I couldn’t tell anyone, that my abuser would harm my parents (resulting in death), but now my councillor has given me the power to speak up, and for that I am grateful.
