Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Hobbit]

Hi everyone,

Here is another discusison topic that we had going for our Topic Tuesday tinght. 

We had some great advice from members about their recommendations for supports and services to offer to other carers.

Does anyone else have any information they would like to give?

I think this could be a really helpful little thread as general resources for carers.

Hobbit.

[Patricia]

I would like to tell carers out there about Carer Victoria incase you don't know already. They are a wonderful support to us carers who look after a person with mental illness or disabilies and more.. look them up on google. good luck.!

[Vera]

Hi everyone,

Seven years ago I went to a MIFWA Wellways Building a Future programme at our local ngo mental health service. This allowed me to meet other carers in a similar position and allowed us to share our stories and gain knowledge and empower ourselves as carers.

Well Ways Building a Future offers up-to-date, accurate information about mental illnesses, mental health services and the emotional journey that is part of the experience offamilies. The program is familitated by accredited family members whi validate, explore and build on the lived experience of the family participants.  

Realizing this programe supported carers I then became a facilitator myself.

I have carer facilitated Building a Futre programe and mental illness DUO for seven years and met over 40 carers in our area during this period. Many of these carers I have kept incontact with me and we chat regularly.

The feedback from this programe always is  extremely postiive and some carers have come back to repeat the programe which goes over twelve weeks. 

Many carers which includes mums, dads couples, family members, friends are sad when the programe ends because it is a great support for them and also many say they have not been able to share their stories and situations in such an environment with peers that fully understand.  

This program opens a pathway to the future for families facing the many challenges of mental illness It is shown that the program has increased partipants sense of self-efficacy and empowerment, and their ability to empathise with their relative or friend with mental illness.

Peer support is vital.

[Cazzie]

Counselling, counselling, counselling!  The person you're caring for gets counselling but that's not enough.  Take it from someone who waited 12 years to get any!  If you don't involve yourself in your "patient's" counselling you never know what their problems are.  But equally important is to involve yourself in your own counselling.  You need someone to talk to.  Many carers are lucky enough to have a good personal support network but even so, people get a bit fed up with hearing you talk about your problems - and their are some problems that are just too embarassing to discuss with close friends and rellies (I'm talking here specifically about things like financial restrictions and sex - or lack of it).   No-one can solve your problems for you but talking with a professional counsellor, who is bound by strict rules of privacy, means there are things you can "get off your chest" that you may not be able to discuss with those friends or family members in your support network.

[Jo]

I agree with the above suggestions wholeheartedly, but if you live in a remote area or can't afford to see a counsellor, I think getting out into Nature helps. Whether it's walking along a beach, beside a river or lake, inside the bush amongst gumtrees or even in a desert, Nature seems to 'take over' a bit. I notice that I become aware of the beauty around me and don't feel so restricted. My heart expands and I can't help but feel an appreciation for what surrounds me. My attention can be taken by a couple of ants dragging a leaf somewhere, or the screeching of cockatoos overhead or seagulls diving into water. Without realising it, I have stopped obsessing over my problems fo a short time and at the end of my sojourn into Nature, I do feel lighter in spirit and less stressed.  

[Kiera80]

I have to have an escape where I can go when the stress gets too much. I like being in nature too and one of my fave places is in the mountains that has a beautiful lake I can sit by. Even a nice cafe that serves great coffee can be a getaway. I try to book in a monthly massage and the people there are usually great listeners. Plus they don't know you and vice versa so if you do have a chat it doesn't go any further.

I also strongly recommend some form of counseling. I know that without it I would be worse off today. You also need to be able to pick up the phone and ask for help and support day or night. This is where places like carers Vic, beyond blue and lifeline to name a few really are a godsend. I'm pretty sure the government still allow a certain number of free counseling sessions with a mental health plan from your gp so thats a great place to get started. Your gp will also look after your well being and may offer you medication if they think it may benefit you.

[Cazzie]

Having a place of peace and serenity that you can go to get away from the stresses of living with and caring for someone with MI is just as important as counselling I think.
Living in a regional or rural area sometimes means that counselling may only be available via the phone and it's great to see the advertising for these services now include a focus on carers or people who know "someone who's doing it tough". In these areas often people don't talk about their health so much but will say things like times are tough because of the drought or if we don't get rain soon we'll have to start selling (or worse, shooting) stock. These are stressors for farmers that townsfolk and city-dwellers don't always understand. The farmer knows he's depressed but he doesn't always know he's suffering from depression. There's a huge difference here. So it's his wife or children who need to be able to contact a support group like Beyond Blue for advice.
We're not farmers but my BIL and sister have a very small farm with cattle and they've been hand-feeding for almost two years. He's totally unaware that he's suffering from depression but she's not. So she talks it out with me. He believes depression is something you just "get over and move on" from. They're a little isolated but she goes off to her craft group and once every month or so I go and stay and take her shopping for the day. It's the freedom from the farm that's important rather than the actual spending of money (although that's fun too).

[Jo]

I agree that it's very hard to get help when you live in an outback or rural area. I take workshops for carers all over Australia and it's much worse for those who live in these rural areas. I've just completed a book for and about carers which contains ideas  and suggestions for carers  to help release their suppressed emotions and  feelings of aloneness and disonnectdeness from society. It also contains carers' personal stories and  other topics. I've called the book 'One Flew Over the Carer's Nest' as a black humour type reference to the moments of madness we carers experience when burnout, fatigue and frustration dominate our lives. Still trying to find a publisher for it. I do feel there is a very big need for carers such as your sister Cazzie to be able to access these ideas. But there are many carers in city areas also, who feel isolated and unable to cope simply because they don't like to burden family and friends. I know that Mental Illness has been defined as the Invisible illness but I also think of carers as Australia's unsung Invisible Heroes/Heroines.

[Vera]

Hi Jo,

Love the title of your book and I certainly agree that carer's of people with mental illness can feel very isolated whether living in remote areas or cities. Not only do we not want to be a burden to family and friends, sadly many families don't understand the complexities of mental illness, or its the too hard basket for them so we are left to deal with it on our own.

Vera

[Kiera80]

Wow Jo, congratulations on your book. That's just amazing that you have taken the time to do something like that. I hope you find a publisher soon. So many people will benefit from reading it I'm sure. I'll be lining up for my copy too.

In reply to some of the current comments I think that it quite often can be one person in the firing line when dealing with a loved one with a mental illness. If I knew then what I know now I would have shouted from the roof tops the kind of trouble I was in and what I went through. What I feel really strongly about is how easily you can get dragged under. I wonder why we think we have to take so much of the burden on ourselves in the first place. For me I can't remember why I even put up with what was going on. I do remember showing great concern initially for my sibling but by the time I realized I was in trouble myself I couldn't think straight anymore and was already quite traumatized. I guess it all just snow balled from there. Isolation was a big part of that too.