Anorexia

[Hurting2311]

My 18yo daughter has dropped more weight and is now well underweight according to her BMI but she still says there's nothing to worry about! Wouldn't get on the scales with wet hair as she might weigh more..... not sure where to go from here???

[Linny6162]

Hi there I’m a mum of a daughter 18 who has had anorexia since she was 13. It’s so very difficult. Is she being monitored or are you taking her to a GP so she can be referred to a specialist unit. The sooner intervention happens the better as this illness only gets worse and worse believe me as my daughter became so ill she ended up fighting for her life. So please if you can have her seen by a GP as she cannot battle this by herself. And you too need support as it’s a very scary thing to manage as a carer. Hope this helps. X

[Hurting2311]

Thank you. I monitor loss her every fortnight and managed to convince her to be measured. We're going to our gp next week for issues with her iron levels so I'm hoping she may be able to help! Unfortunately she still doesn't see that she has any issues 😟

[Linny6162]

One of the biggest steps for them is to admit there is a problem, like an alcoholic!! Only start recovering once they admit they have something to recover from. Getting a gp appointment is a start so well done! Ask the go to insist on weighing her and doing a sitting down and standing up blood pressure so her BMI can be worked out. And voice your concerns openly. Hopefully he will know if she’s at risk but regardless ask if she can be referred to a specialist eating disorder unit because they are the experts! My daughter was told on two occasions by GPS to just ‘eat more’
Had we not insisted on a referral she wouldn’t be with us today. That’s fact. You are her mother and know best. Read up as much on ED as you can as all knowledge is helpful as it’s a scary thing to suddenly have to live with. Very scary. Keep me posted xx

[Hurting2311]

Fortunatley our GP is already on it! we're trying to convince my daughter to join an eating disorder unit but she still insists she does not have any issues with her weight.

I'll always try to help her but get very frustrated and it's something I dont understand and something I can't fix........................

[Faith-and-Hope]

I have a husband with EDNOS ..... and completely unaware .....

Thinks he has made a healthy life change .... and that was the intention ,.... and that is how it appears to others on the outside of it .....

It is really, really hard to work your way forward with an eating disordered loved one.  Hearing you both @Hurting2311 and @Linny6162 ..... and feeling for you so much.

Please remember to take care of yourselves, and seek psychological support if you sense you might need it, or be reaching emotional burnout.  It’s a real thing.  It is very important to remain mindful of your own self-care, which as a carer can be hard to prioritise at first, until you realise it is an essential part of supporting your child.

💐💜

F&H

[Hurting2311]

Thank you so much 😊 it makes things a little easier to know there are others out there to listen

[Linny6162]

Yeah it’s too easy to forget to look after yourself right? And living with an eating disorder for me has been the most scary time of my life but have never felt such anger, rage, frustration etcetcwtc and powerless too. All we can do is support and assure our loved ones they are so loved and supported even when this is not how you may be feeling!!! Or after a difficult day or mealtime as I have been there many many times!!! Wish could live nearer you guys as would be so good to meet in person. But for now this is Helping hugely. X

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Hurting2311 @Linny6162 ...... (@ symbol attached to the username sends a notification or “tag” as it’s called)

I felt so some in our middle until I found the forums. It was an eating disorder support service that suggested it to me, because that feeling of utter helplessness is devestating. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, and my hubby was becoming increasingly controlling over the rest of us, and the household systems, and our resources, and our ability to socialise.

I tried to speak to the family doctor to no avail, because my husband had lost an awful lot of weight and had come off life-support medication as a result ...... therefore no early intervention was available. I was seen as attempting to sabotage his “success” without any medical people realising that the pendulum had swung waaaaayyyy too far in the opposite direction.

It’s not that he is in denial as such ..... he actually has no insight into this being a problem, so his only reaction is to presume that there is something wrong with me.

I can’t tell you clearly enough how much I appreciate you sitting by your daughters and encouraging them through this. It’s actually all we can do once that awareness is there.

Without the awareness I have to project care towards my husband, but stand opposed to what he is doing regardless (as much as I can without the tension completely destroying the household) so that I am not enabling him by pretending it’s okay. It’s not okay. He is very unwell, without appearing to be on the surface ...., although I believe it’s beginning to show up.

Going to a psychologist myself helped, firstly in being able to tell somebody what was going on, and secondly, now I have a record that I have been attending a psychologist as the spouse of an eating disordered husband, who is seeking support for her family to be able to cope.

Of course hubby has presented that to others as his wife being unwell and needing to attend a psychologist for that reason ...... grrrr

Patience is our strongest virtue ...... but as you know, it is so hard to maintain long-term. This is where the support of a community is so valuable ......

Keep swimming ....... 🐠🐠🐠

[Grasshopper3]

@Faith-and-Hope@Hurting2311@Linny6162

Hello ladies,

I can only imagine what it's like living with a loved one with an eating disorder.

I mean.... we eat at least three times a day, so you have every 3 to 4 hours this struggle, every day of the week! This is huge! 

I always thought in the past if I see someone too thin, send them to me, I'll fatten them up, but I now understand it's not that easy....

I hope this forum helps you, I know it helps a lot of us. There are good tips and links too, but you have to look for them, and can take bit of time.

Lots of love,

Grasshopper3