Hi all,
I'm having a real sh1t of a day. My 6yo needed her hair checked this morning (itchy scalp, headlice sign) but spat the dummy after just checked a third. I really got so angry with her (she started screeching at me) that I nearly puled her hair as it sat in my hand. I managed to let go instead but it was very much a n act of will. That's set the scene for the day. My ex had to cajole her into lettinghim finish her hair (xcept he can't even see as well as me so i still don't know if she has lice!).
We managed to get to her Theraplay session on time thankfully but she was rather unco-operative so very frustrating. Dropped her at school on way home.
Picked up the mail from the PO and drove home. What a mistake! Mail included a $185 fine (merry christmas!) for speeding, and a letter from the lawyers representing the bullying bastard I have been grappling with for over 6 montshs now. Every time I think it's dealt with they wait 6 weeks then send me more letters. I'm not even game to open it until I see my therapist tomorrow, as I know I will probably hit the roof. I've been feeling very triggered anyway because of Xmas - it's an "anniversary" for me. So I've been having the rampant self-hatred raving at me all day. I do not love it.
It helped a little to go and sit on my log in the river, I even stuck my feet in the cold water which helped a lot. I nearly hopped in, but I'm a bit afraid of water so I rarely go swimming. Problem is I can't live in the river - I remind myself: me in the river and the river in me - let this too pass. But it is so painful in the meantime, which I know you guys understand.
All I can say is roll on Boxing Day!
BTW ended up getting an email from my sister (weekend before last, in the course of organising a Xmas catch-up) saying some really horrible things about my son. I said "we need to talk". When we did talk I told her i thought she was projecting our family of origin onto my family, and that it wasn't helpful. She was completely dismissive. Needless to say we aren't now cacthing up for Xmas. Too many elephants in the room.
K
