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  • Author : Faith-and-Hope
  • Support : 4
  • Topic : Our stories
27 Apr 2018 09:34 AM
Community Guide

Hi @Wanderer ..... my marital ship has run aground ..... hubby has had an undiagnosed, untreated mi for many years now and the mi has taken up residence like a mistress ..... and altered who he is so much.  

For the sake of our adult kids still at home, preserving what remains of the life weworked so hard to build together, and to not destroy the cache of haapy memories we all cherish, we have opted for a sort-of “just friends” scenario ..... so we are functional and can continue co-parenting with all the challenges the mi brings with it ...... and which he has no insight into at all.

I grieved hard in the early years of this wilderness .... trying  to flag down an intervention that to this day has not arrived .... and have surfaced into a sense of resignation that comes with finding a life within a life .....

I am so sorry to hear what is happening for you.  Sharing what I have above is to try to give an understanding that perhaps it’s not so much the death of the relationship as a time to reconfigure it to some degree.  If your wife is no longer interested in the idea of being married, perhaps with the help of a counsellor you can work out together what it is she IS looking for ..... and what that means to you.  

Perhaps co-habiting as friends could work for you.  Only the two of you can work that out .... and maybe in the process of working it out you can find each other again.

Our situation (the mi) will surface at some stage ..... it’s nature is one that cannot remain hidden indefinitely because it takes a progressively physical toll ..... and I still hold a flicker of hope that when what’s-what is discovered, diagnosed, treated, and a new status quo has emerged ..... restoration will be part of that picture somewhere .... although in what form, who can know ?

Hearing you, and I have hope for you that something will work out for the better.

Cyber hugs incoming ......

 

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