Protecting my Mum's assets from herself and people scamming her

[Ford]

Hi everyone, my name is @Ford . My mother when I was 11-12 year old had her first breakdown and was extremely manic at the time. Almost every year since she has had to be hospitalized for her illness. Although over the years doctor's have given many names to what she suffers, paranoid schizophrenia and bi polar are the two that are a stand out to the rest. My problem is that my mum (on a mental high) is easily guided into spending money as a means to keep the high she experiences while the money is there and crashes extremely badly when it runs out. Mum is due to receive a great deal of money from the sale of her and my dad's home. The back story is mum left dad four years ago blaming him for drugging her in the form of schizophrenia and other mental health medication and believes that she isn't ill and that he has been in kahoots with the all her mental health staff she has had treating her over the years. My father did nothing but support her and care for her the whole time she has been sick (around 30 years) She was recently scammed over the phone with crypto currency and I have seen her give away some of her most treasured family keep sales and I am worried that this large amount of money will be taken from her by someone with bad intentions or she will basically give it away. I have tried in the past to organise power of attorney but this causes her to become paranoid with me and inturn she pushes me away. Can anybody please tell me what I need to do to protect her and her belongings from herself. PS I do not want control of her money as it will cause her to be even more paranoid of me and our relationship is already worn thin from her staying in my house for the last fortnight after being removed from short term accommodation after her rental was sold. Any help or info would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time

[Boo13]

Hi @Ford , Welcome to the forum. When we care for a loved one with mental illness it can be very difficult to watch, particularly when we don’t agree with their behaviour and would like to see change. It makes it equally hard because we don’t want to cause further harm or damage the relationship. Sometimes we need support as carers too. Have you spoken to any of your local career support networks for assistance or your GP?  They can often be a good starting point for you as the carer to ensure you have support and can sometimes link you to others who will be able to help your mum. Being informed about the illness, your mothers rights and available supports I’d the first step in being able to help her. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ford
Welcome to the forums!, I can hear the care you have for your mother and the situation around her finances. I wonder if those aspects @Boo13 has mentioned are worth looking into?
I have supported many people who have been on the other side of being placed on a guardianship situation but don't feel that I have enough knowledge or experience to share around that process.

I hope that you can find connections through the community here on the forums.

Flybluebird

[Appleblossom]

@Ford 

Can you set clear boundaries and work with her, rather than outsourcing, as they often have steep fees anyway, and I recently read a few articles not too positive. In the long term it may improve things if she gains trust in your intentions. The questions of basics and essential needs to be sorted ... and if there are left overs, that can legitimately be up to her discretion.  Sounds like you mostly want her to live within her means responsibly.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ford ,

Welcome to the forums. This is an interesting question. I once bought a similar issue to relationship counseling. The response I received was “it’s his money “. The overall message being that I was overstepping boundaries. I think 🤔 that there was a lack of understanding about the economics. 

You might also be overstepping boundaries by trying to help your mother. It would seem that your father held things together quite well if they now have a home to sell. You are now in the difficult position of trying to fill that role with much less ability to exert influence. One of my fears with leaving my own caring relationship is that family members might quite quickly become homeless.

I am interested to follow this thread to see what responses you receive.

[Jo-anneJoy]

Having been in this situation 30+ years ago, to protect your mother - so that she is not prey to opportunistic scammers - you will need to wear the black hat of the villian and accept that the severity of your widowed mother's diagnosed psychiatric illness makes her vulnerable to poor decisions and delusional about her capacity to be responsible.

While the law protects the rights of the mentally ill, it does not recognize or protect the rights of the adult children who are at the coalface of caring (and cleaning up) the financial messes of the parents.  Which can be inherited....

Your lived experience is informing you and you see the dangers, the risks.  

Get legal assistance and have your mother's capacity assessed; get boundaries installed around how much money she has access to, and that any significant expenditure over X amount, has to be co-signed.  

From what you have shared, it seems that your mother would be best in a supervised residential care environment where she can regale strangers about what a terrible person you are; just like your father.

You know, deep down, she will end up penniless and lying in a gutter if you don't double down tough before that money comes through.