PTSD and Anxiety

[Ritsy57]

Hi new to this forum have had anxiety for years

Was diagnosed with PTSD about 18 months ago after a serious vehicle accident so many other things have happened over the past 2 years on top of Covid.

I try to take a day at a time! I have triggers that put me into a downward spiral but mostly I get by having a great husband and hobbies so grateful for these.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Ritsy57,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. Thank you for sharing your story with us - I know it can be difficult in the beginning to post but know that you in a safe, anonymous space with many supportive members with varied types of lived experiences.I'm sorry to read about your car accident - that must of been very frightening. I think it's understandable that someone that has been through a serious accident would be affected in the way that you have been.

Despite what you have gone through you sound like you have a positive attitude - that's really inspiring. It's great to read that you have a supportive husband and some hobbies you really enjoy too - I always find hobbies can be a great stress release.

By way of a Forums' introduction I have linked in (at the bottom of this post) a list of our wonderful community guides. Here is a link also to chats around PTSD if you want to have a look at other posts around this topic https://saneforums.org/t5/tag/post%20traumatic%20stress%20disorder/tg-p/category-id/lived-experience.... 

On an aside, if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

Welcome again and keep posting - we are happy to have you onboard.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

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[tyme]

Hi @Ritsy57 ,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear about the accident you have mentioned.

It is comforting to know you have supports around you as well as some great hobbies!

Would you like to share what some of these hobbies may be? (no pressure though)

[Abner]

I've complex PTSD as a result of complex trauma I was put through by other people who'd branded me a sex offender for nearly 20 years, eventhough I've never done anything like that.  I happen to have schizophrenia, be alittle odd, be LGBT and look a lot like someone who actually is a paedophile and has now been found guilty of that offense... but for nearly 20 years I was the target.  My friends told me not to talk to them about it, they were useless, the only support I had was the psychologist once a month, and my psychiatrist for 20 minutes once every 6 weeks if I was lucky.

My personality died under the distress, and I find now that I'll be grieving for that personality for the rest of my life, it was a good personality.  The one I have is still very good, but it's a lot darker and I have to lovingly parent it.  When I give voice to my cptsd people will often unconsciously use their genuine concerns to try to stop me from talking about it, and I find I have to push those concerns to one side because my healing MUST be more important than other people's concerns.  Eventhough I've every right to do that I still get very angry about the fact I'm forced to do that, and then some people will accuse me BV of being insensitive.  I tell them they only care about themselves, and that they don't have any "rights" to my sensitivity, it belongs to me.

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear @Abner .

You have been through a lot.

Do you have supports in place to help you through all this? It's a lot to tackle on your own.

[Abner]

In the last few years I now have my church, since 2015 I have my recorder teacher, and since late last year the people I work with at the music performance unit I perform know the extent of the damage. My parents, sisters and my stepbrother were also victims because they witnessed me being torn down by the "nonjudgmental" "unconditionally loving" "sensitive" city of stupid Sydney. Once I started talking about it with shopkeepers, and banktellers, and bus drivers... I knew no one's gonna stop me now. I even talk about it with other audience members when I'm an audience at a concert, so my useless friends turned out not to be so useless because I couldn't talk to them, so I started talking to EVERYONE, and no one can stop me. Eventually I found some support, but first I found my voice. And I exercise I like feeling healthy and strong, and I like the power it gives me. I've got aggression and I like to use the aggression to benefit me, I'm learning to box, and learning to channel and focus the aggression through boxing and exercising aggressively. And now when I say no to my friends they know I mean no.

[Abner]

In fact, even a world famous English music conductor knows my story now. So my useless friends came in handy afterall, didn't they?

[justanotherguy]

Hi @Abner

Sorry to hear your story, you seemed very upset in September, I hope things are better for you now. Child abuse and sexual crimes are a serious matter, I don't understand your frustration, do you have problems with sexual offending or is it just stigmatisation? If you feel any desire to harm somebody else or yourself I would getting professional help before you do the wrong thing.

[Abner]

The problem @justanotherguy I have for 20 or so years people called me a sex offender and accused me of attacking women and children whereas I've never done that, and there's a woman who lives in my area who tells people I sexually attacked her; it actually never happened. I don't need to be unnecessarily reliving this. In short I have been labelled a sex offender without being one.

[Abner]

My CPTSD is a result of 20 years of that kind of verbal and physical abuse from people, @justanotherguy.