Feeling scared and stuck?

[anxious_gal_]

Hi!! 
This is my first post so any support is appreciated!! 

In April of this year my Dad passed suddenly and unexpectedly and since then my mental health has really taken a hit. 
I have been diagnosed with with Anxiety and Depression for close to 10 years now so I’m no stranger to mental health problems, however this has completely debilitated me.

I am on medication and seeing psychologists, doctors, naturopaths but nothing seems to be helping. 
I’m so scared because it feels less in my head and more like my body is taking control. 
My psych says that I’m very mentally conscious and can pick up on what is reality, which I’m thankful for but even that doesn’t seem to be enough to calm anything down?
Everything that used to help me calm down doesn’t anymore and it’s getting to a point where I’m scared this is how I’m going to feel forever. 

I know grief is hard and individual to each person, I’m just really struggling and feel like I’m at my limit. 

I have been having very regular panic and anxiety attacks, I cannot regulate my emotions properly and feel huge waves of such deep sadness.

Im just feeling very stuck and confused

sorry it’s a tad long !! 

[tyme]

Hey @anxious_gal_ ,

Welcome to the forums! It's great to have you with us. 

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It must have been a real shaking for you. Would you say you've always been more of the anxious type and the passing of your father has exacerbated things?

I hear you have a range of supports in place. Since things have been going downhill, have you had a med review or additional support?

MH can certainly be debilitating. It can take up every part of your life. I'm sorry it's been so tough for you. 

If you don't mind me sharing, I remember a time when MH ruled. For about 15 years of my life, MH ruled every day and every part of my life. I went from dr to dr, therapist to therapist but to no avail. I thought I'd die before reaching the age of 26. Things were so so bleak for me.

Then came the turning point. When I was in my early 30s, things started to change. I engaged in therapy on a new level, and from there, I've never turned back. 

I really don't know what happened and am continually in awe that I'm still alive. 

Maybe this will be for you too?

You are not alone. Hang in there my friend.

[anxious_gal_]

Thanks for your reply ! 

I have definitely always been more anxious and Dad passing has amplified it quite a bit.

There was also quite a bit of drama that happened after he passed, which didn’t help either.

I have had discussions about changing medications and have been given ‘emergency only’ tablets for panic attacks as I cannot adjust the dosage of the antidepressants I’m currently on. 
And now that I’m seeing a Naturopath and using a herbal tonic I have to give that time to see if it actually works before re assessing my medications again.

Before Dad passed earlier this year my mental health finally started to get better, I was able to go out in public more, dinners, concerts, parties etc.

I joined a gym and genuinely felt the best i think I ever have, and then it all came crashing down very fast. 
Which I think is also contributing to my struggle because I finally got a taste of feeling semi normal? 

Thank you for sharing and I’m so glad that things cleared up for you !! 
im going to keep my fingers and toes crossed that I have a similar turning point soon !!

[MJG017]

Hi @anxious_gal_ 

I'm sorry about your dad, it must have been such a shock by the sounds of it.  I can understand how much of a hit it would have taken on your MH.

I can't really say add anything to what @tyme shared, so try to take some hope from the fact that these things can take a lot of time to get on top of, but it can get better.

I do remember I thought I had hit my rock bottom a couple of years ago, but by the middle of last year I was feeling on top of it and feeling pretty good.  Then December last year happened and it all came crashing back down.  A new rock bottom was found.  I think part of the reason this one hit so hard was because I was feeling pretty good at the time, and this news just completely blindsided me... I wasn't prepared for it at all and so it just hit so, so hard!  It's only been the past 2 or 3 months that's i've started to get back on top of it.  Sometimes we feel like we're at our limit, but we discover it's not a limit, but just a new lowest point.  One that may just take more time to recover from, but we do find ways.

So it will take some time, especially with the added grief of your dad's sad passing, but you will find a way.  Let any supports around you help you through.  Even of that's online support like here.  It did a lot to help me, so hopefully it can do the same for you.  I wish you all the best, and we're always here to support you though this if you need it.

[tyme]

We look forward to hearing how things go for you @anxious_gal_ . I don't promise it will be easy, but one thing that's really helped is for me to remember that if i've given something a red hot go, and things are still tough, then I may have to look at doing thing differently. Also, things may work for sometime, but then stop working later. 

Take it easy and monitor how you go.

If something doesn't work, look to change it 🙂

[dehaha]

Hi @anxious_gal_ 

So very sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.  Loosing a parent is really difficult. 

It is totally reasonable that such severe grief would exasperate your mental health symptoms.  

It great to hear that you are being proactive in trying to help get you through this rough patch.

I am in a similar position in that my anxiety,  panic and depression have been unmanageable for almost a year. ( for different reasons). But I hold hope by hearing stories like @tyme .  It helps me hang on when I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I know I haven't actually offered any advice or solutions but know that you are being heard and you are not alone. 

[tyme]

Hey @dehaha @anxious_gal_ ,

How are you both?

How's your week been so far?

[DinosaurQ]

Hey @anxious_gal_ 

Losing a loved one can be difficult. I can relate with you that you become anxious in your life. Life can always take unexpected turns. 
I was bullied all my life but I was a very good and supportive person until one day I held back my anger it became detrimental to my health. And I was 13 at the time going to a boy’s school in my home country. After that incident it made me lose trust in people. This was really helpful to consciously choose who to let into my life and gave me the chance to understand society.
Listen to some teachings of Alan Watts on YouTube. It will definitely help you. Life always takes unexpected turns. Some favourable some unfortunate. Yet they guide you to a beautiful destination. You definitely are one of the strongest people to tell your story. Don’t be afraid I suffer from bipolar syndrome but still keep going. Remember, perfection is a myth and that’s the beauty of life. Like waves of the ocean we all change. Sometimes rough sometimes calm. You are just an individual dancing in the eye of the storm. The beauty of life is you can change. The human brain is like a camera recording your life and it somehow catches the bad memories crystal clear. It gives us the truth that everything changes. Nothing is still. You are loved by the universe and gods because we can understand truth. 
just keep swimming just keep swimming. Like Dory.

God bless you.

May the triple gem bless you.

Peace.