Ex husband with schizophrenia

[Latte]

Hi all,

I'm caring for my ex husband who has schizophrenia, his mother and brother and other family members have abandoned him completely and he has no one but me to rely on fit the past few years, so I'm totally exhausted with him. Because he has no family support that's why I do all the work because of guilty feelings and because I feel sorry for him and hate seeing him tortured by the illness. Unfortunately this has taken a huge toll on my mental health. Hoping the storm will end soon.

[Jynx]

Hi @Latte , welcome to the forums. So sorry to hear you are carrying such a heavy weight at the moment. 

I am wondering if you might find the Friends, Family and Carers forum to be a better spot for this kind of situation? You are currently in the Lived Experience forum. Not that you're not welcome here! Especially as it sounds as though your own mental health is suffering at the moment. 

I'm sure there are many members who can relate to what you're going through, and many more who could speak about their own experiences with Schizophrenia. I hope you find it to be a welcoming and supportive community. 💜

[Latte]

OK sounds good, I actually thought I was in friends, family and carers forum 😊

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Latte,

Welcome to the forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It's great that you have found us and thank you for sharing your story with us. The forums are a very supportive and safe space to share with many wise and understanding members. 

Just a bit of housekeeping - I have moved your thread to the Friends, Family & Carers page (as I know you discussed in one of your posts). Hope this is okay.

I think it is amazing that you are supporting your ex husband, particularly when it sounds like everyone else has jumped ship. It is a lonely and difficult position to be in - I know because my close family member has a very serious mental health issue and I am also his only support person (except for his professional team). So I really do sympathise and understand how tired you are and how much this can impact your mental health too. I also get those feelings of guilt and I don't know if this makes sense to you but I feel like the `buck has stopped with me'. What I mean by this is that I am the only one left - there is no one else to share this experience with or hand it over to when I feel I can't cope.  

What I have learned over the almost 20 years I have been caring for my family member is to do what you can within your limits, have boundaries in place and stick to them, know when you need a break and take it, also know that there is only so much you can say, do, be, etc. Putting yourself first is not selfish it's a necessity and filling up your own tank is very important. 

Sharing your story with others that understand is a great starting point (like on the forums), friends/family, speaking with your GP and getting support for yourself is also very important. I think when you are a carer you forget that you also need to be cared for. 

If you would like to talk someone the SANE Support Centre is a free service available from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat. I have also attached a link to our carers site https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/families-carers which has a lot of information that you may find helpful.

I wish you and your ex husband all the best - I know it isn't easy for either of your.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

[hanami]

Hi there @Latte 

Welcome to the forums! 

Gosh what a challenging situation for you to be in. What you are doing caring for your ex is such a wonderful gesture of kindness. But as you say it's taking a toll on your own mental health and you really don't want that to deteriorate further. It's so important you find some time each day to care for your own needs. For me, when I feel like I'm really struggling nature is my go to place. It may be the beach or a bush walk but just somewhere that gives me that sense that we are just a small part of the world and that this really challenging time won't last. When I am surrounded by the bush and trees and mountains or the ocean and the sand,  this is where I feel that. 

I'll also share here to the Carer's Gateway website. They are a great resource for people who care for someone with a disability, a medical condition, mental illness, or who is frail due to age. 

Sending hugs and positivity,

Hanami 💮