Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Ali585]

I am really concerned for my friend who I share a house with.

She has never been diagnosed with bipolar (or anything else) but I would be very surprised if the way she is acting isn't a manic episode.

She is highly energised and always on the go and taking a million miles a minute. She is more irritable than "happy" but that mostly seems to be because we went go along with all of her weird plans.

She doesn't think anything is wrong (aside from everyone frustrating her - but that's our fault not hers according to her view)

She isn't violent or anything. But I'm really worried about done decisions she is trying to make.

Buying a house and quitting her job among other things.

Any advice on how to convince her to get help? Our what I can do to help her?

[Mosaic]

Hi @Ali585

Thanks for sharing your experience about your housemate. It sounds like you're pretty worried about her and you're wondering how to best help. It's hard to know what to say, but it's a great first step you've taken to log on here and see what others have got to suggest. 

I'm wondering if anything like this has come up or your housemate before. Have you known her for a while, or is she relatively new in your world and so not sure?

It can be difficult to convince a person to step out and get help when they have no insight there is anything wrong. It can really leave people feeling incredibly powerless. People can make decisions they later regret during a manic episode, so it's difficult to sit back and watch it unfold. Though unfortunately, if she'd not necessarily at risk to herself or those around her, she's not eligable for involuntary treatment. So engaging in treatment must be self-directed and voluntary at this stage. It's important to be patient with this process, as it can take some time for people to reach out and admit they're not okay.

Easier said than done, but iIdeally you'd want to encourage her to see the local GP, who can then provide a referral to a psychologist and/or prescribe medication if desired/necessary. Continue to let her know that you're worried about her, that you care about her, and you're there for her if she'd like to talk. Keep an open door policy with her. Encourage and praise her for any self-preserving or help-seeking behaviour you notice at all (big or small). If you remain calm and approachable, she will be reminded that you are a trustworthy go-to person and she'll more likely to reach out to you or other people around her. Keeping the lines of communication open is important, as you can gather more information about her thoughts, feelings and potential decisions. It can also be helpful for her later, after she recovers and can then better reflect on her experience with greater insight.

These situations can be tricky so it's important to feel like you've got some support yourself, that you're not feeling alone in walking through this situation.

Do you have any other housemates around who you can confide in about what you've noticed? Or does she have any close friends or family come over to visit from time to time?

Take care.

[Ali585]

Hi

I'm not 100% sure if she has been like this before. There was a period of time before she lived with me that I remember her being quite loud and energised. I don't remember her being this bad but I wasn't living with her at the time. We have lived together for 2 years now. 

There is no one else in our house (just a dog each)

She has other friends who are being helpful (mostly) but everyone is getting exhausted and frustrated and lots of people are pulling away from her.

Her mum is very worried about her. She lives about 5hrs from us and wants to come visit and "fix" everything. my flatmate has told her explicitly not to -  but she is going to anyway. I am anticipating fireworks...

how do i know where to draw the line on whats reasonable for her to want me to do. she is pretty demanding (im not sure thats the right word - its like she just can't think about anything/anyone outside her own little world) for example she currently is "broke" because she keeps spending money ridiculously and wants me to drive her places so she doesnt have to put petrol in her car. (yes this is said just after wanting to buy a house). normlly i wouldnt have an issue with giving her a lift (its a country town everything is close!) but i dont really know where to draw the line (obviously the day she asked me to drive her 500km  was too much and I said no which made her really quite angry)

[CherryBomb]

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Ali585 wrote:

how do i know where to draw the line on whats reasonable for her to want me to do. she is pretty demanding (im not sure thats the right word - its like she just can't think about anything/anyone outside her own little world) for example she currently is "broke" because she keeps spending money ridiculously and wants me to drive her places so she doesnt have to put petrol in her car. (yes this is said just after wanting to buy a house). normlly i wouldnt have an issue with giving her a lift (its a country town everything is close!) but i dont really know where to draw the line (obviously the day she asked me to drive her 500km  was too much and I said no which made her really quite angry)

Setting boundaries is a pretty personal things - only you can really decide where that line needs to be drawn. Perhaps ask yourself what are you comfortable with? What are your limits? And be sure to communicate this with your friend, while also explaining the impact that it has on you. For instance, if your friend asks you to drive her everywhere, perhaps tell her the you're uncomfortable with driving her around places because you feel that it might be enabling her spending - That's just an example, it might not reflect how you're feeling or what you're thinking. But on that point, it's also important to consider what behaviour you might be rewarding or enabling by doing favours. Hope that makes sense!

When is her mum coming to visit? It might also be helpful to have a chat to her to see if this has happened before, and how the both of you can take unified approach. May I ask how old your friend is? I ask this because I wonder if she's been diagnosed. There's an age (not sure exactly what it is) where onsets of a mental illness can occur.