feeling inadequate (possible tw)

[Eden1919]

so i wasnt sure how to title this because it is mostly around something specific although i do have this general feeling but i am used to feeling not good at things so it is mostly in relation to the eating issues, as such a warning for those who dont want to read anything remotely related to that please stop here. 

I am feeling like I have not done enough of something and even if i do my best at doing said thing it feels like nothing is ever enough and no matter what i do it is not going to be adequate. for example tonight i spent a lot of time doing something i felt i had to and now i am feeling like i shouldnt or dont deserve to go to sleep until i have done "enough" although when that enough would happen i am not at all sure. I am sorry for the cryptic description but i am really not sure what is allowed to be said here or not and considering there have been a number of times i have said something and it has been taken down even though others have said the exact same thing but in a slightly different context i am not confident to post any specifics. but that being said this is nothing crisis related so there is no need for concern either.  but basically i am struggling because i feel i am not able to rest until i have done something only i dont see how i can do that something any time in the near future..... if that makes any sense.... does anyone else ever feel like they cant do something else unless they do something but the something is not actually possible to do? 

[Gazza75]

Hi @Eden1919 , I am so sorry you are struggling and just wanted to let you know that I read your post.  I am sorry you haven't been able to rest properly because of this pressure you are feeling. 

I get frustrated at dancing around some topics on here as well.  I wish I could add something more helpful, but, I am struggling to get the gist of your post.  i can only add that I enjoy having you around and your contributions to the forums.  You are very smart, compassionate and kind. 

[Hope4me]

Hi @Eden1919 

I'm sorry you're feeling inadequate re being/doing 'enough'. That seems to be the crux of it hey? I'm assuming you're talking about an Eating Disorder; is this right?

Like any addiction, an ED compels the sufferer to continue habitual behaviours to feel a sense of normality, but more importantly - safe. I totally understand this ok.

In my own case, putting delicious food in my mouth is a form of self medicating to prop up feel-good hormones like dopamine; a habit formed in childhood to cope.

It's difficult to assess how to change as this habit was created by my inner child's reasoning; something irrational, destructive and obscure as adult concepts go. So to understand what I'm experiencing I need to understand the child I once was.

You use the term 'enough' many times in your post. You've obviously picked up on its relevance but are finding it hard to describe the 'doing' without using specific words the system picks up on.

If you want to talk I'll respond when I can as I don't get immediate notifications; they come each night at 10pm EST. I can pop in now and then to see how you're traveling if you like. If we're both online at the same time it'd be better I guess.

This is a discussion I probably need to have Eden. I don't engage with anyone about it, so maybe it's time I did. Thankyou for bringing the topic up.

Kind thoughts;

Hope 🤗

[Eden1919]

@Gazza75  thanks i am sorry it really doesnt make sense when i read it back lol but i just get so worried that it will get taken down. it is mostly in relation to the amount of exercise i am wanting to be doing. 

@Hope4me  yes it is in relation to an eating disorder. I guess for me it doesnt feel like a habbit more like something i cant not do like i dont get pleasure from it, all i get is either more or less anxiety depending on if i have been "good" or not. 

[Gazza75]

@Eden1919, think we can talk exercise, but, nothing to.specific, ie time and. Distance. I think we should be able to if we use adequate warnings. For people.

What kind of exercise do you do?. I. Work out at gym a lot. Except when I go to my farm. 

I can't talk about weight, and that's the thing I need the most help. With  Ughgh lol 🙂 

[Eden1919]

@Gazza75  i am not ignoring you but i am not sure how to reply. 

[Gazza75]

No worries @Eden1919.  Hope you're doing OK. 

[Gazza75]

Hi @Eden1919 , there is a fitness / motication thread I can tag you into.  It's called 'My f@itness journey' it's not very busy, but, its nice to read what other people are up to and get some motivation at times. 

[Eden1919]

@Gazza75  please dont i have seen that thread and found it EXTREEMELY triggering like i ended up crying for the rest of the day. i dont mean to be rude to anyone on that thread but that sort of thing is the opposite of helpful for me and this issue isnt about me trying to achieve my fittnes goals it is about the fact that i cant seem to stop myself from destroying my body one way or another. i know you mean well but please dont tag me in any thread like that.