can't seem to get life right

[Learninggrowing]

Hello, I've been struggling and feeling like I'm forever going backwards in life and the demands of life and motherhood. 

I feel like everyone is sick of me and my struggles. I have moments where I have plans ans ideas to get myself back on track, and then something happens and I loose that momentum and go backwards even more so. 

My relationship is suffering, the mothering of my children is suffering and my work is suffering... then I am suffering so bad to the extent that I have so many plans nearly every day, planning out how ill end my life and wondering how everyone will go about life after I'm gone. 

It's been especially hard recently and I feel even closer to ending my life.  I haven't felt happy in a long time

[hanami]

Hi Learninggrowing

My name is Hanami and I’m one of the moderators from the Sane forums. I can read the pain in your post - I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. Do you have someone that you can talk to that can be with you at this time?

Do you have a GP you can contact today? I would really encourage you to also reach out to a crisis line for support. You don't have to go through this alone, there are many organisation that are available 24/7 to help support you through these feelings including:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000 

Although we are here to support our members unfortunately the Forums aren’t a counselling or crisis service so if you do need immediate support please reach out to one of the services above.

Is there anything else we can offer you today? 

I've also sent you a private email, can you please respond to that as soon as you can.

Warm regards,

Hanami

[Learninggrowing]

I am safe, currently. Thank you for your reply.

I will make an effort to check in and try and steer away from actioning my end of life plans

[David_888]

@Learninggrowing 

After getting a house to live in. The rest is just living. 

Don't get lost with 'progression'

Everyone thinks about dying too.

When you feel that way, just retreat to your tomb and lay in it for a while.

It's okay.

You sound busy.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Learninggrowing,

I'm so sorry to read how you are feeling. I can feel the pain in your post - my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are going through some very confronting and difficult times at the moment and you could do with some support and understanding. Do you have a friend, family member, GP, professional etc that you could reach out to today to be with you. 

I know when we feel really down it can be very difficult to see the positives and the hope, particularly when you feel like you keep getting knocked over and lose momentum. It sounds like you are worn out and need some time to focus on you the most. I know as a mum of three how many directions you can get pulled into but I think right now the most important thing you can do is make yourself priority number so that when you feel stronger you can do all those things that you would typically do in a much better frame of mind.

Please take care of yourself and reach out for support anytime - if you feel in crisis please contact one of the crisis lines such as the ones mentioned by @hanami.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[hanami]

Hi @Learninggrowing 

Thank you so much for replying. It's really good to know you are safe. 

Sending you warmest wishes

Hanami