Trapped in a corner

[Serenity1]

I feel so trapped-

i v let my daughter down so much 

iv made terrible decisions & now I aM

trapped in a corner with no way out. 

I can't function or live in the real world because I was never taught how by my family who abused me all my life & enabled my agoraphobia & PTSD they kept pushing me down to feed off of me because they are narcissitic & now I can't function in the real world. 

I feel like a child or teen trapped in an adults body - I don't have any life skills. 

I am destroying my life & my daughters because I can't live in the real world because my mother always took over everything for me & I was so broken & beaten down I had no choice but to let her -& now she is dead & I am left with no life skills. 

I I can't take much more of this I don't know what to do or who to turn to - I have no joy or pleasure in my life-

my daughter is struggling at school in every aspect & I can't help her because - I don't even feel real anymore to be honest. 

I feel like my teenage son was right & that everyone would be better off if I was dead- including my daughter - that's what he told me- I'm beginning to think he was right -

every desicion I make is wrong- I ruin everything. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Serenity1 

I'm sorry to read that you have been feeling like your decisions have a defined outcome that you cannot get out of. 

I will be sending you an email in a few minutes.

Take care of yourself. thecolourblue

[Sweet_cheeks]

Hi JoJo7You have it really tough. Don't be so hard on yourself . You are probably a great mum. You can't see it because you are depressed and have faulty thinking, But the fact you are writing on this site is because you care about your kids. You are certainly doing a better job than your narcisstic parents. . Kids are cruel especially teenagers. My son has said terrible things and I'm afraid to say I've said some pretty horrible things back. As far as cooking and managing the house: a couple of ideas, you can get on the NDIS and people will come and teach you life skills and help with cooking and cleaning. WHile you are waiting for that though contact Salvos or Vinnies they probably have a program to help you get on your feet, I can understand why you feel overwhelmed but you need to reach out for help. People are generally happy to be asked. Is there a cousin or friend who can help. 

Also schools can sometimes suck excuse my language but one of my kids was pelted with stones when he first started high school. I went down to the school to complain. Not much was accomplished but after a while he made some friends and he managed. I think if you make friends with the parents its easier socially for the kids but I never did. You might be helped taking an assertive person to the school to demand better help for your daughter. You don't have to like this person but they will get results. Anyway you poor thing. Have a hot bath or shower with nice smelling stuff. Have a hot drink. THink of things you'd like to do that would be fun tomorrow. Something just for you. Forget about the kids for a little while. At a certain age they have to grow up. Think of the Spartans. MY life has been a dog's breakfast and it has effected the kids. I can feel guilty . But I don't want to do that so I say It'll come out in the wash sometimes it does. I like to do fun stuff like painting or reading or listening to music. Are you a good singer?

[Serenity1]

@Former-Member hi I didn't receive the email or I accidentally deleted it by mistake before reading.

[Serenity1]

Thanks for your lovely reply- will try & respond later if my daughter lets me 😁
@Sweet_cheeks

[Serenity1]

I really hate myself so much I feel sick

[Supercoolguy]

Have a coffee! Everything feels better after a coffee. : D

[Former-Member]

Hi @Serenity1 ,

Sorry you are feeling this way - have you connected to supports like a counsellor? Just popping these numbers here as a reminder that you can contact for more one on one support

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

[Serenity1]

Thankyou

[Serenity1]

Thanksghanks