Too depressed to move.

[florencefifty]

Literally.

I can barely type.

I'm probably going to take the day off work tomorrow. 

I don't really know what I'm going to do with my day off. I want to watch a movie, and go into the city to a historic shop and buy a pen I've been meaning to buy for a fair while, but never had the time. But no amount of shopping is going to make me happy.

I've come to realise that I could have been a father by now, if I had even a remotely normal recovery from getting hurt in 2019. You can't start a family with anti-depressants and self-care, now can you?

I couldn't be further from finding someone. And I really don't believe counselling and medication will work without social support. I had a woman suddenly cross the street when she saw me, at 2:30PM on a Sunday afternoon, after I had been laying in bed for three hours straight.

My own infant niece is scared of me. That's less of a pain point and more of a straight up mystery. It's funny but it's not funny. The other day I was just talking to my mum and she started crying. My sister thinks it's because of my beard. The weird thing is, sometimes she's like that and sometimes she's not. I met her when she was three days old, and I see her every week. What the [...] do you do? I'm guessing this isn't going to be a problem when she's a toddler.

I've just been wiped out... in what world is someone in this state meant to be alive?

[tyme]

Hey @florencefifty ,

I can hear there is so much going on in your mind at the moment. 

I'm sure there are many who have had similar thoughts as you in the past.

Do you think finding that special someone will be the answer for what you are feeling?

From experience, I've learnt that for things to work out, one must be satisfied with themselves first. 

I'd encourage you to find your true self and work with it. I know it may be hard to believe, but there is so much life can offer. Your turn will come.

tyme

[hanami]

Hi @florencefifty 

I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now. I have to agree with @tyme that we need to believe in ourselves before we can have someone else believe in us. Your time will come for sure. 

Sending you positive wishes

Hanami 💮

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @florencefifty,

I'm sorry to read you are feeling so flat - I know that feeling when everything is just too hard and it's easier and you feel safer staying in bed.  I really hope today is a bit better for you and you have gone to a movie and bought that pen. I find when I feel so flat and when everything seems to be just a chore the best thing I can do to feel a bit better (even though it may be the last thing I want to do) is force myself to get up and engage in life a little.

When my daughter was young she had the same response to my brother as you talk about. There really wasn't any logical explanation that I could think of as why she reacted the way she did. Although my brother acted like he didn't care I could tell he was a little hurt. A lot of young kids are scared of adults for reasons that I don't think anyone will ever know. Over the years my daughter and my brother have grown very close to the point where she would now describe him as her favourite uncle. I guess what I am trying to say is that please don't take it personally - maybe it is the beard? So many little kids are scared of Santa and I think the beard is one of the reasons too.

The good news about the state of a mind is that the mind is open to change. You never know what positive, good experience may be around the corner 🙂

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather