Struggling with self care, mental health and extended family drug abuse problems.

[Daisy15]

Hi...im daisy15. Im having a few stresses at the moment. I suffer with schizoaffective disorder wich is under control with medication and counseling but my best friend also has a mental illness and im also a single mum with full custody of my two daughters and their father my ex partner and his new partner have drug addiction problems and they have a new child who is now related to my children and i worry for everyone. Me and my girls would sometimes go sit on their dads verandah and say hi to him and their new sibling but it has come to the point where i think he needs to improve his situation before im thinking of doing that anymore. I have been having nightmares about trying to save my own children and also his new child and they are quite disturbing because sometimes in the nightmares i end up being forced to stay permanently in a mental health facility and i loose my children. Its quite scary. Ive began increasing the number of cigarettes i smoke each day and im also sometimes having a few drinks...both isnt ideal. I struggle with obsessing about how to fix things for everyone and i often find myself late at night on the phone to support lines trying to get help and make sense of this whole situation. I worry that im often tired and dont have much energy to do great things with or for my own children and for myself. I wish i wouldnt worry or put so much thought into all this but i worry that my kids will never have a normal father and i worry that i might make myself worse in the longterm because i really dont have the motivation to do many positive self help strategies. 

[Former-Member]

Hey @Daisy15, 

That sounds incredibly tough. I can hear how worried you are about your ex's child and also about your own children and whether it is a safe environment around their dad. That is so much worry to be carrying and it sounds like it's really understandably impacting your wellbeing. I'm glad you're reaching out to helplines and here. Are any of the helplines you call Carers Australia on 1800 242 636? They can be really helpful for navigating situations like this. 

I hope you get lots of support and find the forums a helpful place. 

Take care, 

Tortoiseshell 

[Daisy15]

Thanks for your support and info on the carers line @Former-Member. Im sure it will be very useful.

[Gazza75]

Hi @Daisy15 , welcome to the forums.  I hope you can get some help and support that you need here.  It sounds like you are going through a really rough time and its understandable you are worried about yourself and your daughters.  It's good that you are reaching out for help on here and with the support lines.  Are the nightmares waking you up through the night or are you able to get a normal ammount of sleep per night?  I'd encourage you to really try and get enough sleep so you aren't feeling tired and hopefully have a little more energy through the day.  It's not easy to do at times, I know.

The reason I encourage that is for Me, my whole life spiralled out of control from lack of sleep and outside pressures.  I was told by my psychologist that any more than 2 or 3  nights of poor sleep can lead to bad thngs. 

I don't know what you can do about your kids father, but, you can look at what you want to try and do.  Try and make a list of small daily goals and tick them off as you accomplish them.  If you keep them in a book you will see all your previous accomplishments and this might keep you positive and motivated.  Try and eat healthy and exercise as best you can.  Stay positive.

Wishing you all the best.  BTW, if you put a @Gazza75 i'll get a notification on your reply.

[Daisy15]

@Gazza75 thanks for your advice. I think i will give the notes in a book idea a go. Ive been very tired but i seem to be mostly sleeping too much and it is mostly continuous sleep. Its just the dreams or nightmares are so so vivid its draining me mentally. Im probably physically exhausted easily because im overwheight and have been for about six years now when my psych changed my meds. Its just one of the few things that can at times get me down ..but i try not worry too much about my weight. Im hoping soon to think more about getting out for at least a walk. I hope when you were going through a downward spiral that you had some strong support networks around you. Thanks for your post... sorry for delayed reply.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Daisy15 

Thats a lot of vulnerable people to be worrying about.

I can really relate to all the complications of trying to keep connections open for your children but working out where and when to draw a line.

I got in over my head ... know its not easy.

One idea that helped me was to draw concentric circles around you and your girls ....with you in the middle then girls ... really most of your energy is for the 3 of you ... the others fall outside the inner circle ... kind of thing ....

Your girls need you ... to look after you for the long run.  Can I ask how old they are?

Hugs 

[Daisy15]

Hi @Appleblossom thanks for the tip. My girls are 11 and 15. They seem to understand the difficulties around having any contact with their dad however sometimes they just want to say hi to him. Its tough. I guess they too like to know how their little sister is going.

[Appleblossom]

@Daisy15  That can be a special age,

but one going into teens would not be easy.

I had responsibility for halfsiblings and attachments too.  Can understand if you dont want them to have  unsupervised time there.  Can just imagine your girls keen to be big sisters though. Is their halfsib old enough for a walk to the park?   or something small like that ....

It was just an idea from psychodrama ... which I return to when the tangles get too much.

[Daisy15]

Thats a good idea @Appleblossom but i guess it would be up to both her mum and dad if we could take her to the park. She is only 2 so quite little...so cute though. My girls would think that was a fun idea im sure.