Question for the Guys

[Razzle]

I’d be the first person to stick my hand up and admit that I don’t understand how the male brain works, the more I try the less I understand.

So maybe a few male forumites might be able to answer me this?  How important is sex in a relationship?  From holding hands, to kissing, to full on intimacy?  Is sex a deal breaker for a man in a relationship?

And more importantly, does sex mean LOVE ????

[MDT]

hey @Razzle

I'm not sure. I've never been in a position to find out. But I do know that for a fact there is a physical "element" if I can call it that which impacts men in relationships. I'm not talking about sex - but I'm talking about physical attraction. Emotional connection tends to be more prevalent or stronger in females.

I do believe that this changes however. It isn't concrete, but it's not airy fairy though. Maybe it's wet cement lol? (as it not hard concrete, but still moveable)

Either way, I do think that modern culture and its obsession with sex is unhealthy.

I don't believe it is a deal break though - I've heard stories that the elderly are very much in love and don't have the physical strength to.... "perform". That is a powerful human force and I believe it is love at its strongest form too.

[greenpea]

@Razzle  Hey Razzle I am not a bloke but yeah I have found that no sex is a deal breaker. It happened with my ex. He just went looking elsewhere. Which is fine becauase I didnt find him attractive anymore 🙂

[Razzle]

Thank @MDT  for your reply.  I understand the wet cement analogy.  I also get what you said about oldies that can’t perform but are still in love.

It makes me wonder then if it’s more important for men early in a relationship.  I wonder if it becomes a deal breaker in a long term relationship but changes when they hit their more senior years??  

Is sex LOVE for the entire relationship (talking long term) or does it flit between love and just sex ?

Does a man always feel rejected if the woman says no, does he feel rejected of LOVE or sex ??

[Razzle]

Hi pea @greenpea 

Thanks for the response.  I get so many mixed signals, I really don’t know what goes on in my husbands head.  

Huge back story behind my questions, I’m hoping to gain some kind of insight into what is going on in my own situation.

[greenpea]

@Razzle Don't forget you are an important part of the equation. Don't forget about you.

[Razzle]

@greenpea  Yeah, I hear what you are saying.  I know my views are skewed, my CSA will never allow me to see it any differently.  My husband has never had anything like that happen to him and I just don’t understand what it’s all about for him

[greenpea]

@Razzle  Men and this is a over generalization (so any male reading this please do not feel I am insulting you in any shape or form0..... are just so different to women. I remember growing up and we knew a married couple where the man was actually out there gay and the woman straight. They had a good partnership. It suited them both.....

I have had (like many women I guess) had experiences which would fall under the headig of csa. It didnt affect me sexually (I think ....)  but definitely affected the way I relate to men in general. I am happy being single. Interestingly enough alot of women I know are .... 

[Razzle]

@greenpea   I’m glad you are happy being single.  I’m  starting to feel that I would be fine single too.  

My husband feels sex is LOVE, and if I reject sex then I’m rejecting LOVE.  I’ve never seen sex as LOVE, quite the opposite in fact, I wouldn’t care if I never had sex ever again.  

But like I said, I know my views are skewed, I just wish I could understand why it’s such a big deal for men.

Maybe it’s a big deal for women and could be a deal breaker for a woman too?  

[greenpea]

@Razzle  Well I am getting to be an old pea and that probably has alot to do with my lack of wanting sex or having a partner. 

My best friend is 81!!! (I am a few years younger than her though ). 

Good night Razzle. I am about to turn into a pumpkin :).Take care. peaxx