No light at the end of the tunnel

[Whitney]

Hi All,

new here. I’ve found myself her after another incident that has caused me to just loose more hope that things will get better. Since Jan this year I’ve constantly found myself in a dark place. During summer I found that I’d manage by getting myself out hiking and exploring with my dogs. However I kept finding myself really getting lost in the dark when I’ve drank alcohol. I’ve tried really hard to not drink but my anxiety gets the better of my when I have an event and I drink for confidence and then I make a fool of myself. A lot of people would say I am confident however the truth is I am far from it. 12 weeks ago I injured my knee during sport (a big identity for me). I’ve had surgery and my mental health has really fluctuated. Again I’ve now had 2 more nights out with alcohol that I have regretted how they have ended with me loosing it with my sister and being an absolute brat. The worst part is I am ashamed of my behaviour this weekend especially since I not long ago had surgery. Leading into the night I already was struggling mentally and of course the alcohol took over (not trying to make excuses) and I have re hurt my knee, I don’t remember most of the night only what my sister has told me and I’m just dam right disgusted and so close to saying I can’t do this anymore. 

I will as leading into the night, I had 2 major issues financial hit me that I have balled my eyes out over as I am in a lot of trouble if I don’t get cleared to work again soon and then my physio said I had gone backwards even though I felt like I had made progress. 

if I get bad news at my surgeon post op review I.e I’ve re injured, I’ve done more damage I think that will be it. 

I need help because I want to get better but living rurally I just don’t know how to access help without having to go further into debt or drive.

does anyone have any suggestions for how I can go to a function and stick to my guns to not drink? Does anyone have any suggestions about how to help my mind remember these situations do get better. 😞 

thanks 

[Appleblossom]

@Whitney 

Good luck with it all.

I remember the pressure to drink in my mid 20s, when I was in recovery from a liver disease.  Somehow, I separated having fun from drinking alcohol, and felt immune from the dare, as I had done enough in life and did not have to prove anything.  I could face them full on, with a wine glass of water in my hand and socialise.  It still sometimes a part of my life, and I just get a lemon lime and bitters and party on without a hangover, or regrets  These days if I stumble, I call it a senior moment.

Deal with stuff one issue at a time.  If the issue blows out, try and break it up.

Outside opinion of physio, may be less important than your felt experience, as you have so many balls in the air.  I believe in physio, but that does not mean every opinion is valid.  Only you know what its like in your shoes.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Whitney.

Welcome to the forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. I'm happy you have found us - please know that the forums are a safe space to share your stories and feelings. We have a lot of wonderful members with a variety of lived experiences who are very supportive and wise.

It sounds like you are going through a really tough time at the moment. It also sounds like your knee injury has really impacted your day to day life and your sense of identity. You come across (from your post) very self aware and insightful which you should be really proud of - not everyone has this ability.

It is great that you are reaching out for support and seeking help. Would you feel comfortable speaking to your GP about this? A GP can be a good place to start as they are confidential and typically have good knowledge about how to access the appropriate supports and services that are available (often for free). Another option is the SANE Support Centre which is available to support people for free from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat.

I really do wish you all the best. Please keep reaching out for support - you aren't alone.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather