thank you sis @Shaz51
hi everyone @Shaz51 @Snowie @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8 @Eve7 @moderator @tyme @FloatingFeather @hanami
i am not coping at the moment. Mentally and physically i am done. i had surgery (abdominal hernia) two weeks ago, not allowed to do any heavy lifting for 6 weeks. Hubby took last week off to help me. Today is first day alone at home and i am not bad. This is the second hernia surgery I have had in 1 1/2 yrs.
i also have an ulcer which i need to have another gastroscope in a few weeks time to see if medication has helped and healed ulcer. If not, i don't know.
my horrible mother is playing her horrible games still -
she has not phoned me to see how i am; only if i call her she will ask
i am only calling once every 3-4 weeks and the conversation is only literally not even 2 mins. it's horrible and cold. she still doesn't ask about my kids or little A at all. No interest at all.
Sometimes i think, i wonder if i sh what would she do; would she come to visit or not at all. probably the latter i would say. Last weekend i tried to call and left 5 phone messages between saturday and sunday. No return call from her. so this morning i called and asked if they were away (as i know they are home, they don't go anywhere). she replied no, i told her i left all these messages. her reply was 'oh i never got any messages' next time you call don't leave messages just call. isn't that what i was doing.
i did buy a mothers day present because i thought i was the better person and would give it to her. but now after this weekend and her playing her games I am going to get rid of her gift. i really want to grab something sharp and rip into it. i have so much anger.
my little A is doing so well at school, loves it so much. her reading and writing is way above prep level. a big credit to my daughter as she spends lots of time with her reading since a baby.
my son is still os and is doing great. i can't believe it will be one year next month. he will be back next year in july - just in time for my daughter's wedding in october.
i have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately, actually since start of year. two legal cases are progressing well, out of my hands now. just waiting for a concilator to call me and it could take up to 6 months.
planned for another mini holiday in october this year, was supposed to go last week for our anniversary but just had surgery so postponed it for october.
i am having horrible nightmares at the moment of spiders. huge huge spiders. horrible.
i am seeing a dietitian this week, hoping she can help with my eating disorder.
i miss you all and i am sorry i have been away for a long time. i got very upset and hurt and needed time away.
i hope you are all doing okay.
best wishes xxxxxxxxxx
