Narcissistic abuse surviver

[Sophia1]

Hello @Serenity1 @justanotherguy @Faith-and-Hope @tyme @Glenn 

I am not sure if all of you are still here or not.

I was going to start a new thread and could not even come up with a title that I feel covers how I am left feeling

I only want to talk to people who have direct experience of the spell weaved as it is incomprehensible for me still.

Sophia1

This took so much for me to write this.

Feeling that I will be judged.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It is very disorienting to learn about NPD @Sophia1 .  It seems incomprehensible to people who are not that way to believe that this condition can actually exist, that the pattern is discernible the whole world over, and that you haven’t been imagining things.  Your life is built on quicksand if you are in the grip of one of these-natured people, and undoubtably you are very good at crisis control, problem solving, chaos subsiding, and all the other forms of supply they are looking for.

It also affects your self-esteem ….. no judgement here @Sophia1, just care and support 💕

[Sophia1]

Hello @Faith-and-Hope 

I very much appreciate your responding to such an horrendous subject.

I was unsure who to reach out to as it is so hard to even put into words let alone express.

Do I reach out to a peer support worker, sane Counsellor with so many questions?

Thank you 

Sophia1

[tyme]

I'm here for you @Sophia1 . Please reach out if you need anything. 

You are also welcome to email us on team@saneforums.org

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @tyme …. 💕

@Sophia1 there are counsellors who specialise in this area.  I “happened” across one in the final reaches of the devaluation and subsequent discard stages at the end of my 30++ marriage.  I was so confused by the changed personality and value system I was witnessing / subject to, and struggling under the level of abuse which I had summoned to be the result of an eating disorder plus mid-life-crisis-on-steroids  …. had never heard of personality disorders, but my counsellor was very familiar with them and could read what was happening in very short order.

@tyme and / or other mods here may be able to help you find “outside” support, but those of us who have experienced this realm are here to sit and / or walk with you in the recovery process.

💖🌷💕

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope 

I knew you went through supporting eating disorder.. hard on everyone..

I also remember the control side yet did not consider personality disorder.. There are several from the little that I know..

I had only ever known of Narcissus story and not realised was taken to labelling a serious mental disorder.

I was treated abominably and found out via psychologist after she met with us both.

I do not want to overload you with what I now recognise is atrocious treatment of a human being.. 

The sad sick part is one ex …one relative …and one friend (met through carers)

I feel as though I am a failure and I know that they work on us because we will help them

I just can’t get it…they mess with our heads..

I don’t want to overload you with this as feel like it is almost a disease..

does that makes sense?

Sharing this stuff might trigger you..

[tyme]

HI @Faith-and-Hope ,

Thank you for your post. 

@Sophia1 - SANE did reach out to a Doctor specialising in Personality Disorders sometime last year. We want him to share with the community about NPD. What he said is that NPD no longer exists as a Personality Disorder. That's all we got up to. 

I will see if I can contact him again to see where the current research sits in terms of NPD. If it is not termed NPD, then what is it? I will also reach out to Victoria's personality disorder specialist clinic to see what resources they have - if you want that is.

I acknowledge your experiences are so real and certainly NOT made up. I'm so sorry you have had to experience these traumatic events.

We are sitting with you.

[Sophia1]

Thank you @tyme 

I feel that unless someone has been through this they cannot comprehend.. no disrespect..

It is just so hard to put into words ..

makes me feel sick

[Faith-and-Hope]

It doesn’t trigger me @Sophia1 …. the more people who learn about this the more our society can raise shields and supports against it, and hopefully stop the breeding of it.  You’re absolutely right, it messes with your head, scrambles your radar, and crushes your spirit ….. fight back Sweetheart ….. one baby step at a time.  Not against them - but do raise your shield.  Fight back against the effects of them on your mind, body and heart.  Seek the healing pathways of life and “grey rock” them out of your space.

Breathe ….. float when you are too tired to keep swimming ….. breathe ….,

💖

[Sophia1]

Thank you @tyme 

I don’t live in Victoria though

I did speak to a lady at 1800 respect once because 2 situations come under domestic abuse.. she told me that..

other Counsellor’s there since have left me feeling insignificant so I don’t ring there anymore.

I was told that it comes under narcissistic traits or more seriously narcissists. I’ lived with both feeling stripped of self…