Love and lust

[Ant7]

Hi everyone. A little background I am 46 as is my wife we have been together 28 years and married 23 we have 3 children all in their late teens. I love my wife very much and I still lust after her and I am sure she still loves me but I feel that she has lost her sex drive. I feel that this affects my moods and I start to question things about my self. I get to the point where I feel like I want to leave her even though I still love her more so then when we were first married. Is this normal? I then feel bad for having theses thoughts. Am I asking to much am I normal am I overthinking every thing like I always do? When things are going well I am on top of the world but it seems to happen less and less

[NotLabelDefined]

Hi @Ant7,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the forum. Hopefully sharing your thoughts allowed you an opportunity to think deeply and constructively about your concerns.

I wonder if any other forum members have had similar expereinces and are willing to share their thoughts?

I personally believe each relationship is diffferent and unique, and there are often multiple factors that could contribute to the issues you have discussed. Also, I believe most relationships do go through different phases of love, and if you and your wife find a way to move through this particular phase in a positive and mutually respectful way then your relationship may be stronger.

Have you had a chance to, or do you plan to, discuss your thoughts openly and honestly with your wife? 

[Ant7]

Hi @NotLabelDefined thank you for your kind words and you thoughts I appreciate it. I have spoken with her in the past but I find when we talk about anything thing that is conflicting I always feel like every thing is my fault at the end as I am not very good with conflict

[NotLabelDefined]

Hi @Ant7,

I totally understand what your saying. Conflict can make things very awkward and confrontational. I understand why you might think your wife may find the topic a little confrontational, and also why it may be difficult to discuss.

However, I personally believe this topic does not need to be conflicting if approached with care and sincerity and discussed in a mutually safe and comfortable environment. You never know, your wife might have similar concerns to you and might genuinely appreciate a chance to discuss it. There is a good chance she has noticed what you have noticed 😉

[Ant7]

@NotLabelDefined Thankyou again for your advise i will try to talk with my wife and see where it leads 🙂 

[Former-Member]

By any chance are you doing abything romantic for your wife with not expecting sex? Or brining it up? Are you going out of her way to tell her she's beautiful daily? Complementing her in front of people? Taking her on date nights? Having dinner prepped? All ladies need this and to feel loved.

[Ant7]

@CatMeowCarMeow I am not a very romantic person but I always tell her how pretty she is and how much I love her every day. I cook probably 3/4 of the time and do the cleaning up after and I try to spoil her when ever I can not sure if that's what you meant

[utopia]

@Ant7. Speak openly with your wife. No blame. No expectations - other than an honest conversation
If either of you are uncomfortable with this conversation - it might be good to get help from an organization like Relationship Australia - where you have a counselor to help facilitate the conversation.
My MI has zapped me of my sex drive. My desire or lack of desire is highly determined by my moods. I wonder if your mood and your wife's mood - dictate your desires.
So please, have an open, honest talk with her.

[Ant7]

@utopia thanks for your advice. I think you may be right I know that both of us are having a tuff time at the moment and things just don't seem to get better it is bad news after worse at the moment. Every time I get past one thing another problem pops up I don't know where it will end. Sorry about the rant but it has been a particularly hard day thanks again I will try to talk to her 😀

[utopia]

@Ant7. That wasn't a big rant at all. And the Forum is a safe anonymous site to get things off your chest.
A generalisation. Some women just can't be 'in the mood' when they are stressed. Stress really does affect our labido.
So love or lust.
I think you answered it in your first post. You love your wife more now, than when you were first married. I'd say love wins over lust. You simply need to talk and ride out this difficult period.
And please, make sure you and your wife are talking about everything. As you say, there has been one thing after another.
I'm glad you have each other.