In summary... BLUH.

[Former-Member]

I'm sorry for posting twice in two days, especially since this post doesn't have a theme.

That was a rough night... 

I got like five hours of sleep. I woke up just before sunrise. For some reason, I just had this urge to put on headphones, crawl into bed and just cry my eyes out for an hour straight... but I couldn't. I tried. I watched a very sad video from someone talking about their suicidal thoughts. It was powerful, but I couldn't cry. I thought of going out and calling Lifeline. Apparently it works, even if your phone is disabled... but I felt ashamed.

I know being emotionally open is something to be proud of, but after the fact, it's really embarrassing. Especially when you're doing it on your own. What does it achieve? Like no-one's going to know how much you went through. No-one's going to benefit from you hanging on.

I have work tonight too, and God only knows how that's going to go... I got in trouble last time I was in, for an illogical reason. It makes me feel like my supervisor's just going to be onto me every time from now on, because I don't know what I'm supposed to do differently.

She's yelled at me for going to the bathroom at least twice in my career. Literally, just a two-minute in and out, like anyone else would. She goes "do you have some sort of medical condition, are you pregnant?" ...in front of two witnesses. I messaged my manager at the time to make a complaint, but he didn't reply, which in hindsight was fair enough: he was leaving in two days 😂.

I don't really have a choice, but I just don't want to deal with it. 

I am in a sorry state... like three parts of my body are sore. I haven't showered in too long. Living through this is hardly victorious.

[Gwynn]

I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't cry when you wanted to. Sometimes a good cry will help cleanse your body of all the emotional pain it is in and helps to complete the stress cycle.

What can you do today to take care of yourself, @Former-Member ?  Go gently bentley with yourself.

[SJT63]

@Former-Member 

5 hours sleep straight?

Without some a-hole waking you up every 60 to 90 minutes eating or whinging or just talking to the cat next to you?

Gees louise what I wouldn't give for 5 hours unbroken sleep. 

sorry Flo.... don't you hate it when someone makes your post all about them?

I hope I made you smile.

I don't know what you do for a living but would it be a hoot if you took in a pee bottle to use at your workstation? Like, don't use it, put apple juice or cold tea in and just show it to the supervisor when she comes past. "See, I didn't use the bathroom".

Now I'm not normally a trouble maker, I take the line of least resistance in all areas of my life, which is how I ended up sleeping next to an a-hole who wakes me up at least 4 times a night, every night.

He doesn't shower very often. He has (aside from all the mental health stuff) fibromyalgia and some auto-immune skin thing, so showering isn't always pleasant for him, but whatever the reason he still smells bad after 4 days working in the garden all day and sleeping in the same clothes each night.

YUK

Dude... shower! I know it will be an effort, I know you might not think you'll feel better for it, but I'm a mum and mums know these things. Only 3 parts sore? You're obviously not over 50 are you?

Living through every day is victorious. For each and every one of us, whatever our struggles, making it from sun up to sun down in one piece is an achievement to be lauded. I laud you!

Waking up before dawn means you get to see the sun come up and I love that. It also justifies an afternoon powernap. I love those too but  my boss isn't so keen when I do it at the front desk.

Being "emotionally open" shouldn't be embarassing. Eff the patriarchy. Ring lifeline, mensline, womensline, or the old people's insurance who say you'll always get to speak to a real person. (not so sure about that one).

Post every day if you need to.

Love

S