I need help.

[florencefifty]

Not to state the obvious or anything.

I think it's about time I seek out professional help for my Depression.

It's kind of taking over my life. Whenever I hear the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" I get sad. I think "there's a whole story behind that. My story isn't quite as romantic." That's understandable, but it's also not normal.

I get angry. I think anger is a symptom of Depression that people don't really want to acknowledge. There have been times where I've posted on here, and I haven't even really made sense. I'm just furious at my situation, at the world. I mean I was abused as a child. That's pretty unfair. It's unjust. It makes you angry. But it's not exactly helpful, and it's not something anyone but a professional is really prepared to deal with.

Both of the times I tried counselling, it was nice, but compromised. ESPECIALLY the last time, that was really compromised by the lack of privacy I had due to the lockdown. I literally saw my counsellor in person once, during the intake interview.

I've been enjoying work. Today was three months since I joined. I got my first celebrity customer today LOL, a famous name in the academic/political sphere. But I also recognise that if I don't get help, the distraction of work is not super sustainable.

I'm reluctant... like best case scenario, I'll have a normal life. Yay? I'll never get time back, and I'll be FAR from the first person to fall in love, but I'm sure my counsellor will have heard those ideas before, and she can help me work through them.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm doing this alone. I know you guys are cheering me on, though.

[Bow]

Hey @florencefifty  just dropping by with some sunshine for your day. And letting you know that I’ve heard and seen you. And your right, being abused as a child is not right. It’s unjust. And it should never happen. You can heal from it though. I’ve worked through stuff in the past and been able to live a ‘normal’ life for a while. I hold that hope for you too… for everyone. 

I hope you find someone who can help you work through the things that you need to work through and that you can get on top of your depression. And good on you for holding down a job for 3 months. That’s no easy thing when managing mental health issues too. You should be proud of yourself! 

wishing you well today!

🎀

[Former-Member]

Morning @florencefifty,

Thank you for sharing that part of your story here with us, it's a wonderful demonstration that vulnerability is indeed a strength. 

When you say that anger isn't exactly a helpful emotion, I'd like to offer an alternative perspective ... We know anger has an evolutionary role for promoting survival, and if you were abused in your developmental years then it might make sense that you'd be experiencing an activation of anger in situations you'd rather you didn't and/or those that are culturally or socially inappropriate.

All emotions are valid and can typically be tracked to back to a point of origin, but it's what we do with them that counts. I'm wondering whether you have space to explore that anger? It sounds like your new counsellor may be a great avenue for that.

It's true that we can never gain back the time we've lost, but we can absolutely gain a sense of self that supports a life lived with meaning, hope and purpose 💚