@outlander I’ve shared my abuse story in another thread called “struggling” in the Our Experience and Stories forum. I can talk about the first few assaults, but I struggle with the last one that went on for over a year.
In regards to my husband, he hates conflict, will avoid it at any length, so much so that he’d throw me under the bus before he’d ever take my side. This became blindingly obvious last year when my father died. He was very unwel in a hospital 270kms from home. I stayed with him and mum (she’s in early stages of dementia and needed both support and some care). I was away for 3 weeks until he was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (died 6 days after diagnos)
While I was at the hossie with him my brother and his family from out of state came home, they are very selfish, self centred people. I can only handle them
in VERY small doses. They did a lot of really terrible mean things but I put up with it because I knew dad wasn’t long for the world and that they’d be headed off home within weeks. 3 days before dad died I had him transferred home so that he could die where he was familiar. Hours before he died I had a huge falling out with my SIL, I was just done with all their shit.
The day he died was very tough, he’d died early hours of the morning so only got a few hours sleep before meeting with the funeral director etc because to suit these interstaters we had to have the funeral pretty quick. That night I confided in my husband about the argument with SIL, and how she had behaved that day, ignoring everyone - particularly me, I couldn’t have cared less, but she never spoke to mum once. My husbands reaction, he told me my SIL probably behaved the way she did because - his words - “you probably hurt her feelings”.
I was so shocked that I repeated what had happened, reminded him of all the shit they did over the last 3 weeks, and
once again he told me I’d probably hurt her feelings.
That pretty much ended our marriage. I decided to leave a couple months later, he asked to start counciling with him, sometimes it’s 2 steps forward, 1 step back then it becomes 1 step forward, 2 steps back. It really isn’t in a good place now. Hubby is trying to fix the problems we have now, whereas I’ve analysed every part of our marriage and can see the pattern all the way through, our problems start way back.
It was during marriage councilling that my abuse bubbled to the surface - that’s my main focus at the moment, that’s where I feel I need help the most.
Yesterday was just a very full on emotional exhausting day and I had a bit of a moment last night when I posted this thread. Just feel so sad and lost at the moment.
