I can't share my story

[Sabby]

I've come out of a 25 year relationship... a very tumultuous one with some DV, alcoholism, cannabis use and mental health issues. 

I get it... healing is hard.

I have a long story of hurts and anytime I think I have found a friend that i trust enough.. I just can't tell my story. 

Childhood trauma included molestation, physical abuse and a single mum that was too busy or too tired to connect with me. This caused a shit relationship as a teen. The first boy I had a crush on my best friend hooked up with... they were a couple for some time until she cheated on him. I still remember the day he told me he should have picked me. Unbelievably I stayed best friends with her and she did it to me again... I feel ridiculous being in my 40s and still feeling this hurt. 

My dad never seemed to care... he is emotionally robotic... I feel.like no one even in my family knows my stories. The one person I shared wuth was my ex partner and he struggled with it... he would blame my mum or make comments about painful stories purely to hurt me. 

Now I'm left with the inability to speak my stories and a deep desire, even need for others to know certain things. 

I have a 19 year old daughter and 16 year old son... I know my story has impacted our relationship... we are all ok but not as deep or affectionate as I would like... but it's like there is a huge block in my way... I just can't seem to shift it.

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Sabby, thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment and finding it tough to deal with. I totally understand as I have had a few relationships that were not great for me and it's hard to process the thoughts and emotions we go through. 

I can relate to thinking about things that happed between friends or partners and thinking about them many years later. In my experience some things even if they are small things can cut deep and stay with us. I think often about an ex-girlfriend and the things she said and how she treated me and it still causes me pain decades later. 

I do think we can learn from this though and get stronger for new experiences and improve future relationships. I also think that I was quite vulnerable at that time in my life and I reflect on how I have grown and developed as a person through these challenging experiences.

I encourage you to continue to share your experiences with your peers and I believe they will have some insights to share with you too!

Take care

RiverSeal