I can’t cope

[Jynx]

@Captain24 just because they're your only family doesn't mean you're shackled to their misery. It is really scary to think about being all alone but... isn't it also scary to think about never being free of their impact? And like, maybe being free of the ongoing blows to your mental stability would make it easier to begin forging new, healthier connections! 

I am not trying to say you should or shouldn't do anything! You know you best. I just want to challenge the idea that you don't have a choice - because you do. We always do. 

Oooh shiny laptop, yay!! 

Ach hope that just means less time spent with your bro!! 

My day has been pretty chill so far, just sipping iced coffee and trying to ignore the lawnmower next door... so loud!

Oh my snake story!!  Well it's not that exciting, I just was out in the nearest nature reserve and saw it on the footpath, not a minute after getting out of my car!! But more exciting was seeing an echidna!! Did I show you pics?

[Captain24]

I have put in a lot of boundaries @Jynx. They just cross them sometimes. I rarely see them until lately. I have tried to distance myself. We don't talk everyday anymore. Today is just twice in one day. 

I don’t have it in me to leave them. I’m the dutiful person. I know I would be mentally better off but I just can’t. They are getting older and are going to need me. That’s what kids are for. I couldn’t hurt them. 

My neighbours don’t have to hear my lawnmower anymore today! 

Its good to have a chill day. Iced coffee sounds nice but I don’t drink coffee. 

That was an interesting start to your walk. I’d turn around and go back after that. 

No you haven’t shown me your echidna photos! 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 here ya go! 

Heck yeah, boundaries! I did know you'd been practicing boundaries but it sucks they don't listen. Something that has helped me is remembering - a boundary isn't about controlling another's behaviour, it's about notifying them about what we're willing to tolerate. I can cobble together an example if you want? Could use a fake scenario or one of your experiences - however, it could bring up some feelings so we definitely don't have to! You mentioned before that you're feeling a bit low so more casual chats are always on the menu 😋

Haha don't like snakes eh? Legit! My sister is phobic, she refuses to even say 'snake' - she calls them 'legless hissers'!! 🤣

[Captain24]

So cute @Jynx. I’ve seen heaps on the roads to and from work and at work but never close up! 

Nature is amazing. 

Im home and free of my parents. Some old guy stopped me on the way back to the car and asked where my dogs parents were. I had to tell him they were mine and mum and dad just babysit! 

This is how bad it is. I was told to park in front of a particular shop. So I parked there. There was about 5 empty car spaces. I got in trouble because I parked in the space they usually park. I just can’t win. 

After a big discussion on my brother yesterday which lead to unhealthy stuff, I think light hearted would be good. Please.

[Jynx]

Bah!! They're even stealing your puppy-dog street cred @Captain24 how rude! 

How are the little cuties anyway? 

Ooh if you want some light-hearted, did you see the video I put in the Ice-Memery the other day? Made me chuckle!

[Captain24]

They are doing well. They had a Santa photo done today. Not sure when I get the photo but I’ll post it when I do! @Jynx 

That video wasn’t for me. It irritated me. 😜 

I need a big hug and just be held and told everything will be ok. Just need some comfort. Rumour has it that weighted blankets help so I ordered one.

[Jynx]

Oh yay I'm excited to see it @Captain24! 

That's all good, humour hits the funny bone differently for everyone! What sorts of things usually get a chuckle out of you?

The one thing I have always disliked about the forums is that we can't hug people through the screens!! Okay that's not the forums fault lol but still, if I could wrap you up in a hug I'd do so in a  heartbeat. 

Oh yes I love my weighted blankets!! Back to one now, with the weather warming up, but I love being buried in my doona and double weighted blankets in the winter. It's like being a burrito!! 

Oh my tonight is flying by! Up to much tomorrow? You wanted to have a lazy day hey!

[Captain24]

Not a lot makes me chuckle @Jynx. I’m a bit of a sad person. 

A hug would be so good. Just to know that someone cares. That I am something in someone’s life. I’m feeling really lonely. But that lonely feeling that no one can help with. 

I just have to bath the dogs, change my sheets and give the house a quick tidy up. From lunchtime on I am free. It’s what I need. 

I just messaged my brother’s girlfriend to try and find out when they are coming. My anxiety needs to know when. Im worried about them coming while I'm working. 

Do you have much on? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 aye makes sense, those neural pathways are probably just a little dusty is all. 

Mm I know the feeling. It's also one they talk about in that book I've been yammering on about, the 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' one. It's not your fault, and it's not because of some inherent flaw or failing. We're born into the world wired to connect, and when we don't get that need met, is it any wonder our brains get all whacky? 

Heck yes, whole arvo to yourself!! What tv shows you been watching lately, gonna catch up on a binge?

Nah nothing planned, but boy do I need to CLEAN... Having no washing machine and no dish washer is tricky 😵😅

[Captain24]

I feel like a loser when people are laughing at stuff and I can’t @Jynx. It makes me feel even more different. 

Im not sure I will ever recover from being so lonely. Maybe I don’t deserve too. Maybe this is what is planned for my life. Maybe I’m being punished, maybe I wasn't a good daughter. Maybe im not a good daughter now. 

Im really far behind in neighbours so I’ll probably just watch that to catch up. 

It would be so hard with no appliances! I’m a little bit spoilt here.. sorry..